Just Another of Our Beginnings
by violette7
Summary: Sequel to Happy Birthday, Brian. Can Brian and Justin survive “happily ever after,” that is, an engagement, a huge wedding, a honeymoon in Italy, life at Britin, career changes, and a baby?
1. Not Normal People, In the Dark

Not Normal People, Chapter 1: In the Dark

Brian's POV

Justin and I were lying in the darkness. I was on the floor, and he was on the bed.

I was a little nervous, but I managed to ask calmly, "Justin. Did you fuck anyone over the last month?"

He answered quickly and just as calmly, "No."

Doubtful, I asked, "You didn't?"

Again, "No."

Incredulously, I inquired, "You went a month without sex?"

He chuckled and, then, replied, laughter infused in his voice, "Yes. As difficult as it is for you to imagine, Brian, it can be done."

I actually knew all too well that it was possible. I asked, "Why?"

Coolly, but a little sadly, he responded, "No one was you."

Feigning horror, I inquired, "How the fuck did you stay sane?"

Justin giggled. I fucking loved it when he giggled. "Masturbation."

I smiled. "Did you masturbate often?"

In almost a whisper, he replied, "Every day."

"Where?"

Even lower, "In bed. In the shower."

I prodded, "Did you imagine you were with someone?"

I could hear him smile. "Yes."

I teased, "Who? Some gorgeous stranger? A hot movie star?"

He breathed, "No. You. Just you." His voice was so sexy like this. My cock hardened a little uncomfortably (we were still dressed).

I asked, trying so hard to keep my voice even, "What did you imagine us doing?"

"Everything."

I chuckled. But of course. Why shouldn't he be as insatiable in his imagination as he was in real life. "So just imagining gets you hot?"

"Yes."

I purred, "How about watching? Does that get you hot, too, Sunshine?"

"Yes."

I suggested, "Why don't we put that to the test."

"How?"

I drawled, "I'll put on a little show for you. But I don't want you to touch yourself. I want to hear how hot just watching gets you. Are you up for that?"

A little unsurely, he replied, "Yes."

I commanded, "Take your clothes off and lie down."

"Okay."

"You ready?"

"Yes."

I left Justin in the bedroom area and lit all the candles I could find in the living room. By the time I was done, Justin was still enveloped in darkness while I was bathed in light; ironic, really. I pulled the velvet chaise in front of the screen. Then, from my side of the screen, I called out softly, "Can you see me, Sunshine?"

"Yes. I can see your silhouette through the screen."

"Perfect."

I laid down on the chaise and slowly removed my black pullover, arching my back as I did so, and tossed it over the screen. I imagined Justin catching it and bringing it up to his face, rubbing it against his cheek.

At the thought, I rubbed my denim-covered cock and groaned softly. Then, I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I reached my hand inside, squeezed my cock, and stroked it a couple of times. I heard Justin's breath grow ragged. I lifted my ass and pushed my jeans down and then toed them off, all the while my stiff cock was jutting out prominently, wobbling a bit as I moved.

I started talking to myself.

I breathed, "Justin" as I grasped my cock firmly in my hand. I cupped my balls and began stroking myself slowly. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I could hear Justin let out a soft moan.

I said, "If you were here, Sunshine, you'd probably lick my shaft or suck the head of my cock."

I licked my lips.

"You'd most definitely deepthroat me, taking it all, taking it all in your hot wet mouth, and, then, slide those luscious lips along its length. Fuck, those lips…"

I moaned softly.

In a slightly pained voice, I continued, "You're probably fucking some trick right now, your gorgeous ass, so round and creamy white, bobbing as you slide your cock in and out. You're probably closing your eyes and biting your lip. You always do that when you fuck someone else. I'd never tell you this, but I always hope you're imagining that it's me. That it's my ass you wish you were pounding. At such times, I want to come up behind you, stroke your soft cheeks, and, then, bend down and lick your crack, your entrance, eventually pushing inside, tonguing your hole."

I could hear Justin whimper.

I panted as I stroked my cock faster. I arched my back a little.

"Justin, if you were here…"

I groaned. "I'd want to feel your cock inside me. It's been too long. Way too long. I'd want to feel your hands around my waist, your ragged breath and soft moans in my ear. I'd want to feel you nuzzle my neck as you whispered my name, whispered 'I love you.' I'd want to feel you gently, slowly slide a hand up my back and then grip my shoulder tight as you started fucking me hard, pounding me."

I heard Justin whimper again, and, in response, I moaned low in my throat.

I whispered, "I must miss you a lot. I feel like I can hear your voice."

That elicited a giggle.

Then, my voice husky, I asked, "If you were here, would you shove me against a wall? Or push me onto the floor, on my hands and knees?"

The thought drove me crazy. I moaned loudly, squeezed my cock hard, and stroked faster. I licked my lips and arched my back.

I started moaning Justin's name the moment my orgasm hit. "Justin…oh fuck!"

I whispered, "So beautiful. Perfect. Mine."

That must have done it for Justin because as I was standing up, I heard movement. A moment later, he was on the floor beside the chaise, pulling me to my knees and pushing me forward until I was on all fours. Next thing I knew, he was quickly, but skillfully opening me up. A minute or two later, I felt his sheathed and lubed cock at my entrance.

Justin started to push his cock inside me slowly, but, then, stopped.

He moaned, "Fuck! I can't take you slow. I need you now, Brian!" and buried his cock completely in my ass. I arched my back and cried out. The pain was excruciating, but, oddly, my cock responded, growing painfully erect. Justin leaned over me, ran his hand along my back tenderly, and threaded his fingers into my hair.

Then, to my great surprise, he tightened his grip and ripped my head back. I couldn't help but moan loudly. I fucking loved it when he played rough. A moment later, he was thrusting his tongue into my mouth, devouring me. He started moving again, pumping me with a steady rhythm, not too fast, not too slow.

Then he slid back, grabbed my hips, and started fucking me harder.

He moaned, "Fuck, Brian! So deliciously tight. No feeling in the world compares."

Harder. Faster. He angled his hips and moved his cock inside me shallowly, hitting my prostate on each thrust. I couldn't help but moan. Loudly.

Soon, we were both cumming. Justin hadn't laid a finger on my cock. What finally pushed me over the edge was his breathing in my ear, "I love you, Brian. So fucking much…sometimes, when I think about you, it's so overwhelming that I. can't. even. breathe. (punctuated with thrusts)."

I moaned, "I love you, too, Sunshine" and came harder than I can ever remember cumming.


	2. Not Normal People, Directions

Not Normal People, Chapter 2: Directions

Brian and Justin were at the diner eating breakfast. Brian had taken the day off of work, and they waited until they knew the gang would have already come and gone, so they'd have a chance to talk. Much needed to be decided.

Brian asked, a little hesitantly, though attempting to appear indifferent, "So...did you want to move back into the loft?"

Justin wrinkled his nose and looked down at the table. He squinted a little as he looked back up at Brian and replied, "Actually…I thought that I'd stay at my studio, at least until we're married."

Brian wasn't too surprised. Justin had spent a great deal of time fixing the place up. He tried not to show his disappointment. He rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded, his eyes losing focus. Justin ran his fingers over Brian's hand gently until they reached Brian's ring and, then, traced it with his index finger, an intense look in his eyes. A few moments later, still absently running his finger over Brian's ring, he added, "It's not that I don't want to live with you. I mean, I missed you SO much over the last month."

Brian's eyes met Justin's.

"I just want to somehow mark the transition we'll be making."

Brian shot Justin a puzzled look.

"We've already been engaged and living together…and that didn't end too well. I want things to be different this time. We're in a much different place now, and I want to keep that going. I don't want us to fall back into any bad patterns. Plus, it will give us even more reason to look forward to the wedding."

Then much more lightly, laughter permeating his voice, he added, "Be glad I don't want to stop fucking until the wedding night. I've heard that some couples do that to make their wedding nights special."

Brian looked horrified, which made Justin giggle. Then, Brian smiled and said softly, "It's a good idea, though, of course, I am a little disappointed."

Then he asked, "So when do you want to get married?"

Justin hesitated for a moment, but, then, answered nervously, "I was thinking October. I…I'm not really anyone yet."

Brian's eyes darkened, and he tensed up. He was about to dispute Justin's statement, but Justin continued, "No…it's true. I didn't finish school, and I've had no major shows yet. How would you introduce me to clients or whomever…as a college drop-out and unknown artist? No. Hell fucking no. I want you to be able to introduce me proudly…"

Brian retorted angrily, "I already do!"

Justin looked down and tried to quell the tears that had sprung to his eyes, but the tears were still evident in his voice as he continued, "So…I want to wait until after my show."

He paused, looked up at Brian uncertainly, as though deciding something, and, then, declared, "I think I might also want to go back to school...take some different art classes and some classes in a compatible field…maybe advertising."

Surprised and a little concerned, Brian asked, "Really? I thought you wanted to be a famous artist and exhibit your art in galleries."

Justin responded a little hesitantly, "Well…I still do, but a few weeks ago I was reading about this artist in Japan. Yoshitomo Nara. He's part of the Japanese Neo-Pop movement, but he was classically trained. What I find most intriguing about him is that he has commercialized his art, though not for the reason most pop artists do."

This piqued Brian's interest. He quirked an eyebrow.

Justin laughed. "I thought that part might interest you. He works with images of wide-eyed little girls, who are usually depicted alone and sad or jaded (often shown 'packing'). He exhibits his work in galleries, but he also started mass producing these images on stickers, T-shirts, and so on, not so that he can make more money, but to give wider segments of the population access to his work. This move was inspired by his loyal but poor fans. He had developed quite a following, but they weren't wealthy enough to purchase the pieces he exhibited. He has even used objects they send him in his artwork for galleries. He has such a unique connection to his audience. He doesn't necessarily interact with them face to face more often than other artists, but he gives email interviews and participates in moderated chats."

Justin could see the gears in Brian's head moving, could almost hear the whirring. He smiled softly and continued, "In addition, he was quoted as saying that he doesn't have the career of an artist, but that he lives life as one. Such an inspiration. So I thought that maybe I should explore pop art further. I mean, I spent some time in Vanguard's Art Department, some time making protest posters to incite the masses, a great deal of time drawing comic book characters, and, thanks to Chris Hobbs, I've been forced to express myself through art differently from traditional painters. I don't know. What do you think?"

Brian smiled, his eyes shining, and replied, "I think it's a fabulous idea. It sounds like a perfect way to expand your horizons while still remaining true to who you are and what you stand for. Just more proof that you're fucking amazing."

Justin smiled brightly, while, oddly enough, also blushing. Brian was _so_ getting a bathroom blowjob after they ate.


	3. Not Normal People, The Water Cooler

Not Normal People, Chapter 3: The Water Cooler

hot_blond_69 (9:00:05 AM) Hi!

sassy_girl_8 (9:00:30 AM) Hi! So...what's with the name change?

hot_blond_69 (9:01:05 AM) Oh...Brian and I chose new AIM names for each other...he chose hot_blond_69 for me, and I chose 9_inches_for_JT for him.

sassy_girl_8 (9:01:27 AM) Really? That's so cute!!

hot_blond_69 (9:02:20 AM) Don't you dare tell Brian that! That's all I need...for you to send him into an asshole tailspin.

sassy_girl_8 (9:03:10 AM) Do you really think that would happen at this point? After all you two have been through...

hot_blond_69 (9:04:20 AM) Maybe not...but I don't want to take any chances.

sassy_girl_8 (9:04:33 AM) Great choice btw!

9_inches_for_JT (9:04:35 AM) Whatcha wearing?

hot_blond_69 (9:04:38 AM) One sec, Daph

sassy_girl_8 (9:04:42 AM) k

hot_blond_69 (9:05:00 AM) I can't play right now.

9_inches_for_JT (9:05:10 AM) Are you painting?

hot_blond_69 (9:05:25 AM) No...Daphne's IMing with me, too.

9_inches_for_JT (9:06:00 AM) So? Tell her to go make some coffee.

hot_blond_69 (9:07:01 AM) I can't...just knowing I have her 'on hold' while I've got my dick in hand would gross me out a little.

9_inches_for_JT (9:07:25 AM) Yet...you managed to get it up and fuck her with it.

hot_blond_69 (9:08:10 AM) Don't remind me. That was back when a little tree-rubbing could get me hard.

9_inches_for_JT (9:08:20 AM) Ah yes. The glory days...

hot_blond_69 (9:08:35 AM) (folds arms on chest) Are you trying to say something?

9_inches_for_JT (9:08:45 AM) Moi? Never!

9_inches_for_JT (9:10:50 AM) I mean, I certainly would never say that that was back when you couldn't keep your hands off me...always in my lap, rubbing your ass against my cock as you leaned on me, grinding against me on the dance floor, giving me come-hither stares from across the room, any room, walking around with a condom in your teeth and winking, stalking me, running to Deb's and NYC or flirting with other men to get my attention, performing as my personal go-go boy, sucking me off in the jeep...ah...the glory days...

hot_blond_69 (9:11:30 AM) I see. The gauntlet has been thrown...

9_inches_for_JT (9:11:40 AM) (raises eyebrow)

hot_blond_69 (9:12:30 AM) and really...'come-hither stare?' My mother talks like that!! (sticks out tongue)

9_inches_for_JT (9:13:00 AM) That was a little cold, Sunshine. and you best put that away if you don't plan to use it...

9_inches_for_JT (9:13:15 AM) I just got a call I need to take. Ping me when you're done with Daphne.

hot_blond_69 (9:13:24 AM) Will do. Later...

9_inches_for_JT (9:13:30 AM) Later...

hot_blond_69 (9:13:40 AM) I'm back.

sassy_girl_8 (9:13:55 AM) That one sec took forever.

hot_blond_69 (9:14:15 AM) Sorry, Brian came online.

sassy_girl_8 (9:14:45 AM) Really? Did you talk him through it? (wink wink nudge nudge)

hot_blond_69 (9:15:00 AM) No! You're such a perv!

sassy_girl_8 (9:15:20 AM) Like you've never had IM sex.

hot_blond_69 (9:15:50 AM) Well, I didn't say that. But not with you waiting.

sassy_girl_8 (9:16:10 AM) So...I'm just gonna drop the bomb.

hot_blond_69 (9:16:20 AM) What bomb?

sassy_girl_8 (9:16:40 AM) Hunter and I are looking for an apartment together.

hot_blond_69 (9:16:43 AM) WHAT????

sassy_girl_8 (9:17:55 AM) Not like that. We'd get a two bedroom. But I have to move. The rent's going up, and I can't afford to live alone.

hot_blond_69 (9:18:20 AM) Just stay with me at the studio.

sassy_girl_8 (9:18:40 AM) What about Hunter? He wants to move out of Michael and Ben's.

hot_blond_69 (9:20:20 AM) Hmmm...You do realize that if you move in together, he's gonna want to fuck you, even if you have separate bedrooms. Are you two even there yet?

sassy_girl_8 (9:20:40 AM) No. He's cute and sweet, and I really like him, but...

hot_blond_69 (9:20:55 AM) Is it because he's positive?

sassy_girl_8 (9:20:57 AM) NO!

hot_blond_69 (9:21:30 AM) If that's the reason, you can tell me. You know I wouldn't say anything to anyone or think any less of you...

sassy_girl_8 (9:21:33 AM) NO!

hot_blond_69 (9:21:45 AM) Then what?

sassy_girl_8 (9:23:00 AM) I just...I've only been with a couple of people besides you and not very many times. I don't know. Sex seems to ruin everything.

hot_blond_69 (9:23:45 AM) That's cause you pick the wrong guys. I mean, you met one of them at a frat party, didn't you?

sassy_girl_8 (9:24:00 AM) Yeah.

hot_blond_69 (9:24:30 AM) Well, what did you expect? Jocks/frat boys aren't exactly known for their sensitivity...

sassy_girl_8 (9:27:00 AM) Well...I just want to wait a bit. I mean, I know he's young, and I know he's got a lot of rough edges, but he's got emotions that run deep...and, it turns out, talent for photography. Some of his pictures just take my breath away.

hot_blond_69 (9:27:10 AM) Really?

sassy_girl_8 (9:27:35 AM) Yeah...ever since you had him on stalker duty, he hasn't put the camera down.

hot_blond_69 (9:28:01 AM) Well...maybe he could stay with me and you could stay with Brian...sounds like I need to get to know Hunter better.

sassy_girl_8 (9:28:20 AM) You'd do that? Don't you kind of hate him?

hot_blond_69 (9:29:04 AM) Nah...not really. He always grated a little, but I've already started to see that there's more there than just the annoying punk who drools over my b/f.

sassy_girl_8 (9:29:30 AM) Speaking of...would he even let me stay with him? and why the hell aren't you moving back into the loft? You've been missing him like crazy!

hot_blond_69 (9:30:30 AM) Stupid romantic notions mostly.

sassy_girl_8 (9:30:33 AM) Huh?

hot_blond_69 (9:34:31 AM) When we move into Britin together, I want it to be special. I want us to miss falling asleep in each other's arms every night and waking up next to each other every morning so that when we finally do it again, it'll be special...I want something to mark the transition...plus, if I moved back in, we might fall back into bad habits...I just really want this to work. My heart can't handle another break up. Yet another reason is that I haven't been on my own very much...but the studio is all me. It was the first place I had to myself. Even if Hunter moves in, it's not like I'd be leaning on him. As it is, we barely tolerate each other.

sassy_girl_8 (9:35:00 AM) That actually makes a lot of sense.

hot_blond_69 (9:35:10 AM) Gee thanks.

sassy_girl_8 (9:37:20 AM) I didn't mean that you never make good decisions...I just, I don't know...I hated that it took so long for Brian to invite you to live with him again...and I hated it even more when you moved out after being there for only a little while.

hot_blond_69 (9:39:00 AM) Me, too. But everything's going to be different this time. The next space we share will be equally his and mine. An empty space just waiting to be filled with completely new memories.

sassy_girl_8 (9:39:10 AM) Awww...

hot_blond_69 (9:41:00 AM) So...I'll convince Brian to let you move into the loft, and I'll offer Hunter a place to stay. Then, Brian and I will get our transition period, you won't be as pressured to fuck Hunter sooner than is ideal (whatever that is for you), and I'll have a chance to get to know my bff's new squeeze.

sassy_girl_8 (9:41:20 AM) You're a total dork, you know that, right?

hot_blond_69 (9:41:30 AM) (pouting)

sassy_girl_8 (9:41:40 AM) Oh shit! I'm going to be late for class. Gotta run. Bye!

hot_blond_69 (9:41:50 AM) and I'm the dork...at least I can tell time...

sassy_girl_8 (9:42:10 AM) Ha ha. You're SO funny! NOT!!

hot_blond_69 (9:42:20 AM) So Daphne and I are done.

9_inches_for_JT (9:42:35 AM) Whatcha wearing?

hot_blond_69 (9:43:00 AM) Nothing but a smile (winks)

9_inches_for_JT (9:43:20 AM) Did you dress up just for me?

hot_blond_69 (9:43:30 AM) Who else?

9_inches_for_JT (9:43:45 AM) What else would you do for me?

hot_blond_69 (9:44:20 AM) Give you something to suck on.

9_inches_for_JT (9:44:40 AM) (raises eyebrow)

hot_blond_69 (9:45:50 AM) I'd walk up to your desk, sit down (on the desk), put my legs on your shoulders, lean back on my arms, and draw you closer...gotta love chairs with wheels...though you're usually the 'aggressor,' so close to my huge cock, which is now leaking and twitching in anticipation...I don't think you could resist. Whether or not you like to admit it, you really do enjoy deepthroating my beautiful cock.

9_inches_for_JT (9:46:10 AM) Do I now?

hot_blond_69 (9:46:55 AM) Fuck yeah. You like licking the head so that you can taste me...then wolfing me down in one gulp...cause you like to hear me moan (and to show off).

9_inches_for_JT (9:47:35 AM) Suppose I have your huge cock in my mouth...I deepthroated you and swallowed hard, causing you to tremble and moan...what comes next?

hot_blond_69 (9:48:20 AM) I'd stand up, thread my fingers into your hair, and start fucking your mouth...you like everything rough...so naughty.

9_inches_for_JT (9:49:40 AM) As you shoved your cock so hard, so deep into my throat that I nearly choke (and you would; you always want more than you're given, greedy slut that you are) I'd slick up a finger with lube from my desk, slide it inside you, and massage your sweet spot until you were moaning and licking your lips...

hot_blond_69 (9:50:00 AM) Oh fuck! I'm so fucking close.

9_inches_for_JT (9:50:20 AM) Moan for me, Sunshine.

hot_blond_69 (9:51:10 AM) (breath ragged) Brian, oh Brian, fuck I love your mouth, I love the way you can take all of me, deep, how hard you suck my cock as you swirl your tongue along my shaft.

9_inches_for_JT (9:51:20 AM) Fuck, Sunshine, FUCK!

hot_blond_69 (9:52:00 AM) YES! YES! Fuck yes! (collapses into a pile of jelly)

9_inches_for_JT (9:52:15 AM) That was HOT!

hot_blond_69 (9:52:25 AM) Yeah (bright smile)

9_inches_for_JT (9:52:40 AM) See you at 6?

hot_blond_69 (9:53:00 AM) Yeah...Later...

9_inches_for_JT (9:53:10 AM) Later...

hot_blond_69 (9:53:20 AM) Wait.

9_inches_for_JT (9:53:35 AM) Yes, Sunshine?

hot_blond_69 (9:54:00 AM) I love you, Brian.

9_inches_for_JT (9:54:10 AM) I love you, too, Justin.


	4. Not Normal People, Painting My Beloved

Not Normal People, Chapter 4: Painting my Beloved

Justin's POV

I decided to broach the subject of Daphne living at the loft and Hunter living at my studio with an email. Brian and I were supposed to hang out with Hunter and Daphne later, so we needed to have this discussion before then. I had meant to mention it last night, but Brian had surprised me at my studio with a tarp and some body paint. We spent the rest of the night painting each other's bodies and fucking. That actually inspired me to try to get my hands on some Genipa juice. It's a clear liquid taken from the fruit of a small tree native to South America, Mexico, and the Caribbean and turns dark blue or black on a person's skin, remaining there for about two weeks. Just thinking about marking Brian's body for an extended period was getting me hard. If my search was unsuccessful, I might use henna instead. Unfortunately, I wasn't too fond of that color, and its efficacy varied with the part of the body painted, being most effective on hands and feet.

*******

From: hot_blond_69

To: 9_inches_for_JT

Subject: Once in a lifetime chance to let your freak out and get it on

Brian,

I'm serious…If you do me a favor (see below), I'll owe you quite a few freaky, freaky fucks…only limited by your imagination. Tempting, isn't it…

Daphne needs a place to live. Her landlord is selling her apartment building, so her rent is doubling. She can't afford to live alone, and she was going to get an apartment with Hunter (separate bedrooms), but, then, I told her that separate bedrooms wouldn't prevent Hunter from wanting to fuck her. She really likes him, but she wants to wait a while, so could she stay at the loft with you?

Justin

*******

From: 9_inches_for_JT

To: hot_blond_69

Subject: Re: Once in a lifetime chance to let your freak out and get it on

Justin,

Have you lost your fucking mind? Daphne's a sweet girl, but she's loud, messy, and giggly. Plus, she'll girl everything up. And where would she sleep? Just have her stay with you.

Brian

*******

From: hot_blond_69

To: 9_inches_for_JT

Subject: Re: Once in a lifetime chance to let your freak out and get it on

Brian,

Hunter's going to stay with me. Daphne really likes him, and I'm beginning to see that he's…well…more than just a punk who lusts after my boyfriend. So I want to get to know him. Plus, she says he's recently become interested in photography. Maybe I could encourage him somehow. I just thought, I don't know, Daphne's my best friend, and, though you are always very nice to her, you two haven't spent much time together. Maybe you two could get to know each other better.

Daphne has a bed. She'd only need a screen and a corner of the loft.

Justin

*******

From: 9_inches_for_JT

To: hot_blond_69

Subject: Re: Once in a lifetime chance to let your freak out and get it on

Justin,

Uh, I'm your fiancé. I have the ring to prove it.

Ok. Fine. But only because you've had to deal with Mikey, and he hasn't always been kind. I guess I owe it to you to try as much or nearly as much as you have with him.

Brian

P.S.—You are WAY too nice. You're actually going to take the littlest hustler under your wing? Be his mentor?

P.P.S.—I'm already thinking of the most depraved sex acts I can ask you to perform ;)

*******

From: hot_blond_69

To: 9_inches_for_JT

Subject: Re: Once in a lifetime chance to let your freak out and get it on

Brian,

I fucking love you!

Justin

P.S.—Yes.

P.P.S.—Bring it on ;)

*******

Brian and I were at Daphne's apartment, actually, the apartment Daphne and I had shared (technically) from when Ethan and I had broken up until I went to California. This would be the last time she entertained in it (probably the last time I saw it) before she moved. We were watching _The Pervert's Guide to Cinema_, a documentary written by Slavoj Žižek, a philosopher and sociologist who often wrote about popular culture from a psychoanalytical perspective. The documentary was a series of clips from movies directed by Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, and David Lynch, among others, interspersed with Žižek's insights about the various ways they represent our hidden desires. Actually, he asserted at the beginning that movies do not simply represent our desires but rather teach us how to desire.

I was glad that I'd already seen it because I couldn't keep my eyes or my hands off of Brian. I was continually struck by moments from our body painting session the night before, haunted by them, really. I spent the first 45 minutes of the movie alternately peeking beneath Brian's clothes (to see if he'd washed all the body paint off) and writhing about in his lap as we made out. Then, I found a patch of paint. I had wondered why Brian had been deflecting my searching touches from the left side of his body. So while he was distracted by my ass, specifically my rubbing it against his cock, I managed to peek down his shirt on the left side. I giggled as I saw that Brian hadn't had 'the heart' to wash off the heart I'd painted directly over his own. I'd used every color we'd had and incorporated my name into the design. When he realized I'd seen it, he sighed and looked down. That prompted a slew of You so love mes. Brian continued to look at the floor, but he was chuckling.

Hunter yelled, "Cut it out!" and I didn't blame him. It must've been hard to hear and/or see me getting it on with a man he once (and probably still) desired when Daphne wasn't giving him any. But Daphne just giggled. She was still our most devoted fan.

I decided to try to behave, so I sat still and stared at the television for a few minutes. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, my eyes lighted on some old felt-tip pens (black, blue, green, and red) I'd left behind, sitting on the lower shelf of an end table. So then, I spent the rest of the movie drawing on Brian. Brian frowned at me when he realized what I was doing, but he didn't stop me, and, though he spent most of his time (apparently) watching the television, every once in a while, he'd sneak an admiring look at me.


	5. Not Normal People, Black Leather Pants

Not Normal People, Chapter 5: Black Leather Pants

Brian's POV

Justin walked into my office at Kinnetik looking insanely gorgeous. He hadn't cut his hair in a while, not since before he "left" for New York City, if memory served, so it was getting that sexy shaggy look again. Cody might have inadvertently helped Justin work through some things, but I could have strangled him for convincing him to cut off all his beautiful hair. Don't get me wrong, no haircut was a bad haircut where Justin was concerned, but, still, longer was better. Justin was wearing a silk short-sleeved shirt covered in squares alternating between pale purple and shiny silver and thin black leather pants. When I saw him, I couldn't help but gape a little. All this honesty and monogamy had my control (of emotions, facial expressions, body language, and words) on the decline. No doubt about that. What surprised me was how little I cared.

Justin, noticing my expression, did a little spin for me as he approached. I chuckled and shook my head. He must be spending too much time with Emmy Lou.

When he reached my side, I slapped his ass and drawled, "So who are you dressed all slutty for?"

Justin slid a hand along my neck up to the back of my head, threaded his fingers into my hair, and yanked my head back. I closed my eyes for a moment, my face flushing, and bit my lip. I fucking loved it when he got rough. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at my lips, his eyes half-lidded with lust. He licked my lower lip where I had bitten it, no doubt tasting my blood. Incensed, he thrust his tongue into my mouth and pushed the back of my head toward him to eliminate all space between us, so he could ravish my mouth with his tongue, his lips, his teeth. He kissed me hungrily, roughly, until my cock was painfully erect and leaking. Then, he pulled back and licked his swollen lips slowly as he inched his hands down my body over my clothes and freed my cock. He paused a moment to wink and then dropped to his knees and deepthroated me.

I cried out, "Oh Fuck!" and reached out for the nearest wall to steady myself. With my other, I caressed Justin's cheek, delighting in his soft smooth skin for a moment before threading my fingers into his hair. He started sucking my cock harder and faster, but still deepthroating me on nearly every downstroke. I watched Justin the whole time, rapt. Fixated on those fucking amazing lips of his…soft and plump, cherry-red, as they slid up and down my shaft, drawing all of me inside his deliciously hot wet mouth. Observing him like this pushed me over the edge. Soon, I was moaning loudly as I came, my body shuddering.

Justin stood up, tucked my cock gently back into my pants, and zipped and buttoned me back up as he purred, "I dressed all slutty for me. But you're welcome to come along for the ride."

I whispered, "You know I always do" as I ran my hands over his ass and gave it a gentle squeeze. Then I let my hands drift to the front of his pants and massaged his stiff cock through the leather. Justin's breath grew ragged, and he thrust his hips forward unconsciously. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and slid them down, the fabric so tight against his skin that I needed to push hard with my fingers as I inched them off. Justin's cock sprung free, and I grabbed it, squeezing his shaft harder and harder until he moaned and started thrusting, sliding his cock in and out, fucking my hand. His eyes were closed, his mouth open slightly. So inviting. I pushed his head forward with my free hand and crushed my lips against his, kissing him passionately. Then, I pulled away, releasing his lips and his cock at the same time, which drew an impatient groan from Justin. A groan that soon became a heady moan when I dropped to my knees and said, "Fuck my mouth." He slid both hands behind my head and threaded his fingers into my hair. Then, he started fucking my mouth hard and fast. He pushed his cock all the way inside each time, even pulling me closer, so he could shove his dick a little further into my throat.

Justin started moaning, "Oh Brian, fuck. Fuck yeah, oh Brian," closed his eyes tighter, and bit his lip. Fuck, he was beautiful! Justin could inspire anyone to be an artist, making them burn to record his image on canvas, paper, or film. I fondled his balls with one hand and squeezed his bare ass with the other. Then I reached up and pressed a finger against his lips, seeking entry. He teased the tip for a second with his tongue before drawing it into his mouth and sluicing it. After he'd sucked on it lightly a few times, I pulled it out and slid it between his ass cheeks, tracing a line down until I felt his tiny bud. I swirled it around his entrance and then pushed it inside him. When I hit his prostate, his body began to shake, and he thrust faster. He came with a shout, his head tilted back, his silky hair brushing his neck gently, swaying with his body.

After I'd redressed his lower half, Justin wandered over to the couch and sprawled out on it. He looked so deliciously wanton. His legs spread wide, one arm on his stomach and one casually tossed above his head, he sighed in contentment. The sight was making me hard again.

Justin smiled naughtily and suggested, "I thought we could go clubbing…dance and fuck…and then go back to the studio and fuck some more. Our last hurrah before our roomies move in. I have this incredible E."

I smiled back and asked, "Is that the E Hunter gave you?"

Justin eyes widened. He asked urgently, "How did you know about that?"

Then, he turned beet red as he inquired tensely, "Did you read my journal?"

Fuck.


	6. Not Normal People, Stark, Raving Mad

Not Normal People, Chapter 6: Stark, Raving Mad

Justin's POV

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked down. Then, he looked back up and replied firmly, "Yes."

I was mortified. At least I was at first. The truth is, I'd wanted him to read it, and, in fact, I'd written it thinking that someday he would. I just hadn't had the courage to give it to him yet. So within just a couple of minutes, I lost my steam. But I had decided that I would make Brian suffer a little (for lying to me about it). Plus, I rarely had leverage when it came to him.

I sat up. I asked him pointedly, "You do realize that that's a complete invasion of my privacy, don't you?"

Brian cleared his throat and nodded.

I've never been great at pretending, but, fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your perspective), it was a skill I'd been honing over the years, so pretending to be angry, particularly at Brian, wasn't very difficult. I'd had a great deal of practice with the real thing.

Sharply, I inquired, "When and how did you get ahold of it?"

Brian sighed and answered slowly, "I can't tell you how, but I read it on my birthday."

I didn't have to feign the surprise in my voice. "At the party?"

Brian nodded. "I'd just finished reading it when you found me in your workspace looking at a painting you'd done."

For a moment, I was afraid that Brian hadn't actually been able to understand the painting representing my feelings for him, but, then, I shook off the fear, the panic. I hadn't said anything telling about it in my journal. Yet he'd managed to pick it out and interpret it. I turned away from Brian and breathed a sigh of relief.

Without warning, I felt Brian's hands on my shoulders, no doubt a response to the frightened look on my face. He's been like that since the bashing, a quiet presence that appears whenever I weaken, whenever I'm scared, infusing me with strength, shoring me up. Suddenly, I didn't want to play games anymore, no matter how innocuous they seemed.

I spun around. Before I could speak, Brian admitted, "I'm not sorry I read it, but I should have told you."

I laughed. Loudly. Brian looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face and smiled a little. He wasn't sure why I was happy, but he was obviously glad, probably relieved, too.

I explained, "I was just about to say, 'I'm not sorry you read it, but I wish you had told me.'"

He grinned in response.

I added, "So I'm willing to forgive you…"

Brian tilted his head as if to ask, "Did I apologize?"

Cheeky fucker!

I laughed and continued, "But there's a price."

He shot me a tongue-in-cheek look and inquired saucily, "Isn't there always?"

But he waited expectantly for me to name it.

"You have to be as vulnerable with me."

At that, he quirked an eyebrow.

I stated firmly, "I want us to write a journal together."

Brian just gaped at me. I'm surprised that he didn't ask me whether I had taken leave of my senses. Maybe I had. But I was determined. The idea had come to me as I wondered what his reaction had been to each of my entries.

I elaborated, keeping my voice as even as I could (I was afraid he'd burst out laughing; I wanted him to know that I was serious), "The idea is, you or I would write an entry and the other would respond. We'd take turns, of course."

Brian continued to stare at me. When he finally spoke, I thought he'd gone mad, too.

"Okay."

**Much, much later…**

We had dropped the E and gone dancing, but, soon after we arrived at Babylon, Brian went caveman on me (seriously), tossing me over his shoulder and declaring that he was going to throw me down on his 'bear skin' and fuck me all night. The E was definitely more potent than I remember it being before.

We didn't even make it into the car before he was having his way with me. He set me down by the passenger's side, grabbed me by the cheeks, and thrust his tongue into my mouth, kissing me passionately. Then he moved his hands down to my ass, pulled me closer, and started grinding his hard cock into mine. When he began kissing, licking, sucking on, and biting my neck (after I had recovered a little from the tongue play), I laughed and asked, "So you're not going to throw me down on your 'bear skin' and fuck me all night?"

He popped his head up at that and replied urgently, "No, no! We are _so_ doing that!"

Then, he pulled me toward him, opened the door, and bowed, saying, "Sunshine, your carriage awaits…"

He certainly had a great many stories going on in his head. I climbed into the car, and we raced back to the loft.

Once there, Brian carried me into the building, kissing me passionately all the way. He set me down in the elevator and spent the entire ride rubbing and squeezing my ass. I think he liked the leather pants.

When we finally made it into the loft, he tackled me on the bed, and (lying on top of me, my legs wrapped around his waist) he started kissing me, alternating between long lingering French kisses and open-mouthed neck kisses.

Then, suddenly, he rolled over onto his back, pulling me with him, and started talking to me in between kisses.

He muttered, "I'm so glad you came back, Sunshine. I was a little pissed that you lied to me, but I was too relieved to see you to be pissed for long. Fuck, I missed you!"

Then, unexpectedly, he sat up a little (leaning on his arms) and asked, "You know how I read your journal?"

I smiled a confused smile and nodded. "Yes."

Brian took a minute to catch his breath and said, "When I read it, I realized that there are some things, some things I want to tell you."

I inquired, "Oh?" and raised an eyebrow.

Brian nodded furiously. "Yes, first of all, I eat peach frozen yogurt whenever I miss you."

My eyes widened. "You do?"

Brian again nodded furiously. "Yes, yes. I also keep a cupboard full of cheerios and other sundry snacks for when you're here."

I laughed. I exclaimed, "You said Deb brought all that over!"

Brian wagged a finger at me. He countered, "I never, ever said that. You assumed that Deb brought them over, and I didn't correct you."

I huffed. But then, I smiled.

He shocked me with his next revelation. He threw himself back onto the bed, spreading his arms out wide, and declared, "You laid me low, Justin Taylor!"

He sat back up again and continued, "Do you know that I haven't kissed anyone (besides Mikey, Gus, and Lindsay) since we made the rules? I also come home every night promptly at 3am, whether or not you are here. I read the arts section of the paper every morning, and…and…I haven't tricked since I proposed. The first time."

I was too stunned to speak. I just gaped at him.

Brian giggled. "Close your mouth, Sunshine. Very unbecoming."

When I found my voice, I asked, "You seriously haven't tricked since you proposed?"

Brian sat up all the way and replied, "Nope. No tricking. Not anymore."

I tackled Brian and started laying open-mouthed kisses down his neck and pulling his clothes off desperately. I moaned, "I fucking love you, Brian Kinney!"

Brian giggled and declared, "I fucking love you, too, Justin Taylor…Sunshine. My Sunshine."

He repeated, "My Sunshine" and started running his fingers gently through my hair.

That did it. I ripped off his pants and deepthroated him, sucking his cock desperately. He cried out, Fuck!" and then started moaning. I think that was the shortest blow job I've ever given him. I grabbed a bottle of lube on one of the end tables, lubed up a finger (all the while sucking his cock), and then pushed it inside Brian and massaged his prostate as I deepthroated him, swallowing every time the tip of his cock entered my throat. Within two or three minutes, he came with a guttural moan.

Then, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. After a minute or two, he pulled back and said, "You know, when I was looking for that painting you mentioned in your last entry, I think it was your last entry, the one about your feelings for me…"

I encouraged him, "Yes."

"Well, when I was looking for it, I was really nervous."

Surprised, I inquired, "You were? Why?"

Brian shrugged. Then, he explained, "I was afraid I wouldn't pick out the right one. It hit me then how much pressure I had always put on you. I expected you to know how I felt and what I was saying by the way I touched you…kissed you…looked at you."

He paused. His voice broke as he continued, "No wonder you ran off with the fiddler. It must have been a relief to not always need to be translating…to be reading subtext."

I whispered, "Brian…"

Brian interjected, "No, no. Don't make excuses for me. I was a real shit sometimes. I pushed you away and refused to tell you things plainly. I just expected you to know what I was thinking and feeling. In the end, my pride cost me you. Many times. But I don't, I don't want to risk that anymore. I want to try to be more open."

I kissed Brian passionately and then pulled back and said, "You have already been doing that. You amaze me sometimes with your capacity for change…"

Brian pulled me closer and held me tight. Suddenly, he declared, "I love it when you cook for me."

I laughed and pulled back so I could look into his eyes. I asked, "What?"

He smiled softly and repeated, "I love it when you cook for me. I always have."

My face a little flushed, I inquired, "You do?"

Brian nodded.

Then, he admitted (as he rubbed his lips gently against mine), "I've also always loved the way you kiss. You've gotten even better at it over the years, but even that first time, our first kiss, your first kiss, was incredible. I was never more jealous of other men than when they kissed you."

I swallowed hard. I breathed, "You never have to worry about that ever again."

Brian smiled. "That's good."

Then, he gave me the biggest shock of all. He stated, "I want to start fucking you raw on our wedding night."

I just gaped for a minute. I responded huskily, "I want that, too."

I flashed Brian my naughtiest smile and added, "I also want to spend every second from now until dawn kissing, sucking, and fucking."

Brian giggled, flipped me over so that he was lying on top of me, and teased, doing a grotesque imitation of my earlier declaration (breathing like a pervert might on the phone), "I…want…that…too."

I smiled, but then Brian sent his lips crashing down on mine, kissing me passionately, so deeply. I was going to be so sore the next day…


	7. NNP, the Neverending July, Part 1

**Friday, July 1, 2005 (123 days until the wedding?)**

(Brian) So…I've been thinking about the wedding. A lot actually. We need to set a date. I vote for October 31, in the evening. I remember my grandmother telling me a long time ago that November 1 is the first day of the Celtic year. The day the barrier between worlds dissolves. I don't know. I think the symbolism resonates for us on a few levels.

I woke up alone again (of course). Frowning now. It was a good idea to start having breakfast at the diner every morning. (and yes, I'm even glad that you, goodwill ambassador that you are, invited the gang to join us.) But mostly, I'm happy that I get to see your Sunshine smile (as well as your gorgeous ass) every day before work. Cynthia's certainly grateful. Before we started doing that, I would walk in the door and immediately start yelling.

I would like to inform you that I just finished jerking off in the shower. See what you've reduced me to? I can understand why you'd want to wait to live together again, but you might at least have the courtesy to stop by every morning for a shower blow job.

(heavy sigh) Daphne's moving in today. Pretty soon, I'll be knee-deep in pink barrettes, throw blankets, school books, and stuffed animals. Please tell me that she won't hang her 'unmentionables' to dry in the bathroom. Then again, I wouldn't mind hearing her laughter and prattling when you're not around. The loft seems so quiet and empty without you. (I think I just grew a pair of tits and a penchant for muff diving.)

*******

Brian's POV

I walked into the diner and saw Justin smiling brightly as he chatted away with Emmett, Ted, and Daphne. I was a little relieved that Mikey (Hunter and Ben) had not yet arrived. Once less person to vie with for Justin's attention, not that I ever appeared to be doing that. At least I hoped not. I'd become way too lesbianic as it was. As soon as Justin saw me, he jumped up and welcomed me with a passionate kiss, one of his full-body ones, where every part of him is touching a part of me. He must've been having some trouble adjusting to the living situation, too. Fuck. Just the smell of him intoxicated me. Almost immediately, everything but Justin fell away. Everything but his smell, the taste of his lips, and the feel of his body pressed against mine. But that little slice of heaven didn't last long. Debbie brought us back to earth with a slap on the ass and the suggestion that we get a room.

When Justin pulled back, his face flushed, his breathing ragged, his hair a bit ruffled, he looked so beautiful. Hunter must have thought so, too, because he snapped a picture (apparently, Mikey, Ben, and Hunter had arrived shortly after I did.) I guess Justin wasn't kidding when he said that the littlest hustler hadn't put down the camera since stalking me on Justin's behalf. I was about to say something when Hunter, who was apparently a mind reader now, cut me off with a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll email you a copy." I couldn't help chuckling.

I slid into one of the three booths we occupied, and Justin sat on my lap (as he was wont to do). This was most definitely my favorite part of the morning: sitting with a lapful of Sunshine, my arms around his waist, as he chattered or munched away. The moment he was seated, he stuck his hand in my left pocket (I'd gotten into the habit of leaving little presents for him there. Chocolate, art pencils and brushes (but, of course, not the very long ones), rice krispy treats (he had a new fetish for them, and I didn't mind watching him lick marshmallow off his fingers), and so on. I'd even gotten him a small bear with a heart on its belly one morning. I must have been high. (That's what I plan to tell anyone who asks.) This morning, in my pocket, Justin was pleasantly surprised to discover a small brown leather book. For the 'mutual journal' he wanted us to write. I couldn't bring myself to purchase any of the brightly colored, highly decorated ones, but I did find one with paper that looked and felt like parchment. That was the girliest I could go. Justin seemed to like it. He was beaming. When he saw that I'd already written an entry, he was even more delighted. I cleared my throat and looked away. I knew he was going to read it immediately. How could he resist? I didn't think it possible, but he actually smiled brighter afterward. He carefully placed it into one of the many pockets in his cargo pants (I hadn't managed to completely break him of those), swung an arm around my shoulders, and nestled into the crook of my neck. Meanwhile everyone had been chatting away, paying us little mind.

**Saturday, July 2, 2005 (122 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) I fucking love the idea of getting married on October 31. The symbolism meshes with our 'relationship' perfectly. No one else will get it, but that's always the way it's been for us, hasn't it? Who would ever have thought that that teenage trick you brought home one night (and eventual stalker), whose cherry you popped, would one day be the man you'd fallen in love with and the man you wanted to build a life with? I wanted that from our very first night, our very first kiss, but I was afraid to ever consider it a real possibility. Now that it's happening, it seems so surreal. Should we write our own vows? Like you said, we aren't heteros or lesbians; we aren't normal people, so the vows normal people exchange would likely have little meaning for us.

Hunter moved in last night. And you thought I was messy when I lived with you briefly our first year. Hunter's a million times worse.

I can't wait to see Britin again. I love the idea of going shopping for Britin on Saturday afternoons and spending Saturday nights there. It'll be a home in no time.

**Sunday, July 3, 2005** **(121 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) We have got to buy a bed next week. I'm way too fucking old hot to sleep on the floor, although I have to admit that falling asleep with you in my arms in front of a cozy fire, in our house, after several hours of fucking, well, it was pretty fucking cool. When I thought you'd gone to New York City, I never imagined that such a thing could ever, would ever, happen. Hell, if I had to sleep on the God-damned floor every night just to be able to wake up with you in my arms, I'd do it. Course, I'd need to smoke a LOT more.

You think you have it bad with Hunter? Daphne plays Britney Spears at top volume while taking her hour-long shower. Then, she comes out in a towel (shudder), leaving damp towels everywhere and her razor and sundry pink and peach bottles (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face mask, etc.) in the shower and on the counter, not to mention her bright yellow whatever-the-fuck (round mesh thing for washing her body). It seems a waste to put in a second bathroom, but sharing one with Daphne is going to be torture.

**Monday July 4, 2005** **(120 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) Technically, it's July 5, but just. You are fast asleep after a few hours of my 'rewarding' you, but I can't sleep. I can't help but lie here gazing at you lovingly. You continue to amaze me. Inviting the gang (and my mom, her boyfriend, and Molly) to Britin and even flying Lindsay, Mel, and Gus back from Canada for a BBQ. A fucking BBQ. I nearly died when I saw you in a "Fuck the Chef" apron flipping burgers and hot dogs. And the fireworks display you arranged rivaled Macy's Fourth of July display in New York City. How did I ever get so lucky? I'm so happy that I'm a little scared (knocking on wood so I don't jinx us). Can this last? I don't know, but I'm determined to enjoy every happy second we have together. That way, if something horrible happens (knocking on wood again), at least I'll know that I didn't waste a single moment. Speaking of, I suddenly have the urge to suck your huge beautiful cock until you're moaning my name and cumming down my throat (for the fifth time today).

**Tuesday July 5, 2005** **(119 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) I'm glad you enjoyed it, Sunshine. If I'd known just how grateful you'd be, I might have gotten into the holiday spirit sooner. Nothing beats having you shoving me into the tool shed, the garage, the equipment room, and the bathroom, ripping my pants off, and immediately deepthroating me (especially since you always seemed to wait until conversations became disgustingly domestic). The marathon sex after everyone left (and your waking me in the middle of the night to give me the most incredible blow job yet) was just the icing on the cake. But…truthfully, I would have done it just to see that huge Sunshine smile of yours. I couldn't help but smile or laugh myself every time you smiled, every time you laughed. I love knowing that I make you happy. I think I'm going to invite you to Kinnetik for an under-the-desk blow job and then bend you over my desk and fuck you until you scream. All these lesbianic thoughts are making me feel dirty. (by the way, you need to stop worrying. This is for real and for always. Shit, now I'm going to need to rim you before fucking you. Maybe I'll ask you to wear your black leather pants, too).

**Wednesday July 6, 2005** **(118 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) You should become overly lesbianic more often. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit to Kinnetik. I spent the morning painting. When I resurfaced, going outside for some sun and fresh air, I saw Hunter and Daphne lying in the grass. Hunter was (can't stop giggling) putting daisies in Daph's hair!!! I'm never going to let him live it down (although, I have to admit, she looked beautiful).

**Thursday, July 7, 2005** **(117 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) Wow! The littlest hustler must have it bad for Daphne. What hetero males will do to get women to fuck them…Now don't get all pissy because I won't put flowers in your hair…if you want, we can break out the body paint, strip down, lie in the grass, and cover each other in filthy pictograms before horrifying the neighbors with some sucking, rimming, and ramming…I'd even take a half day for that…

**Friday July 8, 2005** **(116 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) I can't believe you were serious! You even brought lunch…though you insisted on being inside me while feeding me (not that I minded one bit). I fucking love you, Brian Kinney!

**Saturday, July 9, 2005 (115 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) I fucking hate you, Brian Kinney! Okay, I don't hate you, but I'm a little miffed. You said that you'd come by my studio at 2:00 pm so that we could go bed shopping, but it's 3:00 pm, and you haven't arrived. I called your cell; it went straight to voice mail. I even went by the loft (Hunter and Daphne stayed here), but you weren't there.

4:00 pm—I called Cynthia, Deb, Michael, Emmett, and Ted; none of them have heard from you today, which, in itself, is kind of weird. I even called Lindsay on the off chance that you might have mentioned whatever it is that's keeping you. No luck. I'm starting to get worried, so worried that I'm about ready to look your sister up in the phone book and give her a call.

5:00 pm—I didn't call your sister, but I did call Woody's (and Babylon, just in case you were sitting in the office). I'm officially freaking out. Did something horrible happen? Are you practicing 'pain management'? Oh God. Suddenly I feel ill. No. Worst case scenario, you're sitting somewhere alone getting trashed. Right? Except that you're not anywhere close to home. Not at the loft, on Liberty, at Kinnetik… Please tell me you aren't driving drunk or in a ditch somewhere after having driven drunk.

5:15 pm—I called Carl and all the hospitals in town. You aren't injured, dead, or arrested (at least as far as they know). Hunter and Daphne offered to drive me to Britin. I actually asked to borrow Daph's car, but they want to come with just in case you're there (so we don't have to drive to the Pitts to return the car and then back to Britin). I hope you're there. Injury-free and alone.

5:30 pm—Hunter is driving. What the hell is up with that? It's Daph's car. What, just cause he has a dick, he gets to drive? I hope you know that even though you predominantly 'drive' in the bedroom (and the tool shed, the equipment room, the front yard, Babylon's back room, Woody's bathroom, the Diner's bathroom, every room in Britin, the pool, the tennis court, and everywhere else we regularly fuck), in my car (well, if I had a car), I'd be driving.

5:40 pm—Hunter gets a pass. The more worried I get, the faster he drives.

6:00 pm—I think he set a record. We're here already, and…it looks like you are, too.

**Sunday, July 10, 2005 (114 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) 1:00 am—I awoke to find you sleeping beside me, holding me really, a blanket thrown over us, and the fire lit. I just read your last entry. I don't even know what to say. Actually, that's bullshit. I do know what to say. I just don't want to say it. Fuck it. Fine. I'm a scared little faggot. I went to the doctor for a routine check-up on Friday. He called me this morning (well, yesterday morning). My quarterly blood test (for tumor markers) came back with elevated beta-HCG levels, which could mean that the cancer spread to my other testicle. The doctor wants me to come in Monday for a CT-scan.

After speaking with the doctor, without even thinking, I drove here. Then I sat in this room, this room where you agreed to marry me, where you finally realized just how much I love you, and I thought about what would happen if the cancer is back. If I lose my other testicle. I sat here with a bottle of scotch, thinking and getting drunk. If I lose my other testicle, I wouldn't be able to get an erection. Not without taking hormones. Even then, my sex drive would probably never be the same. Christ. You're only 23. You deserve a hell of a lot better than some old man who can't fuck you (or enough to satisfy you). To make matters worse, I wouldn't be able to have more children. Since our second engagement, I've been thinking about how much I want to have another child, maybe more than one, that we could raise together. I know that we don't absolutely have to have my sperm to do that, but…you've always been so enamored with Gus. You should have the choice…We should have the choice to use my sperm. You didn't sign on for this.

**Monday July 11, 2005 (113 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) 6:00 am—I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Brian. Actually, I do. As frustrating as it might be, I just need to stay a few steps ahead of you. But…you're worth the trouble. All yesterday, every time I asked about our journal, you simply ignored me or changed the subject, and now I know why. You also managed to avoid explaining your strange behavior on Saturday, and masterfully so…dragging me off to buy a bed (and kitchen stuff), coaxing me into cooking you a huge Sunday dinner, complete with pie, through shameless flattery, and then spending the evening and most of the night fucking me into our new mattress. As far as your evasion techniques go, this was by far the most pleasant. But I've been on to you since we met, so as soon as you fell asleep, I renewed my search for the journal.

While reading your entry, I grew indescribably angry. I don't know what infuriated me more, the fact that you feel you can't share things like this with me (not directly anyway) or that you think I need or want you to be a certain way. Didn't my staying in the Pitts, the proposal, the ring, and my journal prove that all I want, all I need, is you? In whatever form you come (or cum).

Well, I won't let you shut me out. Never again. So even if I have to stow away in your car, I'm going with you to your appointment. Besides being the best artist I can be, all I want is to be in your life, for real, as your partner, and I won't let you deprive me of that.

(Brian) 8:00 am—(muttering) Little fucker…Fine. You win. If you want to go to the hospital with me and hold my hand like a good lesbian/Stepford fag, be my guest. I bet you just want to see me with my ass hanging out of one of those sad-looking hospital gowns. And you think _I'm_ a freak! Good thing cell phones aren't allowed. That's all I fucking need…you and the Bobbsey twins giggling over that picture.

**Tuesday July 12, 2005** **(112 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) 1:00 pm—Well, Sunshine, the Kinney curse held out. The doctor called me about the CT scan results. He wanted me to come in, but I pushed him for details on the phone. He reluctantly informed me that I have a small nonseminoma germ-cell tumor in my remaining testicle. The risk of cancer cells spreading to my lymph nodes is high, so he recommends chemotherapy and wants me to start as soon as next week. But don't get your panties in a bunch. He wants me to come in to discuss my treatment in greater detail tomorrow. So you still have the opportunity to perform your lesbianic "doody" as my partner. Yes, I know, I'm an infant.

(Justin) 6:00 pm—I know I said we should wait to live together…I worried that my moving back into the loft might cause us to fall back into old patterns…I also thought that waiting would give us something to look forward to, but we already have something insanely awesome planned for our wedding night so…should we start living at Britin full time? It's not completely furnished, but it has the essentials (a bed and a stocked kitchen).

(Brian) 6:03 pm—I thought you'd never ask.

**Wednesday July 13, 2005** **(111 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) 6:00AM—Last night, I researched BEP chemotherapy, which is the type they use to treat testicular cancer. You'll only need to be in the hospital three days at a time three times over the next three months. So many threes. That's a good sign, I think. Representing completion. The Id, Ego, and Super-Ego. Plato's tripartite soul (appetite, spirit, reason). The three non-collinear points required to define a plane or a circle. The scientific method (observe, theorize, predict). Earth, third after Mercury and Venus. The three dimensions forming the universe (as we experience it anyway). The primary (red, yellow, blue) and secondary colors (violet, orange, and green).

(Brian) 8:00AM—I heard you pacing last night, pacing and puttering in the kitchen. Maybe I should have dragged you to bed and fucked you into unconsciousness…Course, then we wouldn't have two dozen blueberry muffins, a coffee cake, and a ceramic pumpkin filled with chocolate chip cookies. Where the hell did that pumpkin come from anyway? Debbie?

(Brian) 8:05AM—You're a twat, but…I love you, ironically, in part, because you are one.

**Thursday July 14, 2005 (110 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) 9:00AM—Last night I dreamed that we were fucking on our wedding night. I was on my hands and knees beside a full-length mirror. You held my hips firmly and fucked me slow. I watched your bare cock sliding in and out of me. Rubbing against my prostate, it felt…like nothing I'd ever experienced. But real and fucking incredible. I could really feel you inside me. I raked my half-lidded eyes over your lean bronzed form, literally in awe of you. You are still larger than life to me. I am still as struck by you as I was when our eyes first met, and I want you as much as I did then, and every day since. When you couldn't hold back any longer, you started fucking me harder and faster, your breath ragged, your face flushed, and sweat dripping down your perfectly-muscled chest. You exploded inside me, and the feeling was so overwhelming (indescribable) that I actually teared up. My orgasm started ripping through me, and, then suddenly, I awoke to find myself cumming in your mouth. That had to be one of my top five orgasms.

(Brian) 6:07PM—Well, everyone is always telling me that I'm an unbelievable cocksucker…

**Friday July 15, 2005 (109 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) 12:00PM—I think you should freeze your sperm. Just in case.

(Brian) 6:00PM—I assume that your entry is part of the "glow of domesticity" you radiate for a day or two after one of our webcam-chats with Gus. That and our lovely sit-down with the doctor on Wednesday.

(Justin) 9:00PM—What's so wrong with that? Speaking of birthday presents, perhaps I could motivate you by wearing the one Hunter gave you…(by the way, it's rude to peek over a person's shoulder when he or she is writing!)

(Brian) 9:05PM—You still owe me some especially depraved sex act for letting Daphne move in. I hardly think you in nothing but a collar and leash qualifies, though the image is definitely doing something for me…And don't think it no longer counts because she and I lived at the loft together for such a short time.

(Justin) 9:10PM—Why would I want to weasel out of it? I've been waiting (in great anticipation) for you to name your price. Perhaps you'd like me to run around on all fours, hump your leg, and then show you what a good boy I am by licking you in all the right places (and I don't mean your face or your hand)…

(Brian) 9:15PM—I don't deny that that scenario has potential, but I'm in the mood for something a little different.

(Justin) 9:17PM—Such as?

(Brian) 9:20PM—If I admit it, you have to swear it's between you, me, and the journal…

(Justin) 9:22PM—I swear.

(Brian) 9:25PM—I know this is impossible, but sometimes, I wonder…what if the age difference between us wasn't so great and we'd met as teenagers? What would it have been like if my first time had been with you? I had a fucked up home life, as you well know, so I probably would have screwed everything up anyway…but I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder, if you'd met me before I'd gotten too jaded…would there ever have been a Brian-Fucking-Kinney? Would you have fallen for me anyway?

(Justin) 9:30PM—Holy shit, Brian! That's…wow. But, crazy enough, I think I actually know the answers. If we'd met as teenagers, and our age difference was, say, two or three years, we would have had an incredible first time. Maybe there wouldn't have been a Brian-Fucking-Kinney (I don't know. I'd like to say that my loving you so early in your life would have prevented it, but only you can say for certain.)

But I'm absolutely sure that I would have fallen madly in love with you even if you'd never become every man on Liberty Avenue's walking wet dream. I didn't fall for your body or your persona. Your eyes are what caught my attention and took my breath away. Don't get me wrong, after that, I was very interested in your body, but what really set you apart, what I fell for, was your heart. When you realized that I'd never been with anyone before, after teasing me a bit, you actually shared something personal, deeply personal. That alone probably would have clinched it, but after seeing you with Gus, I was yours. Completely.

You seem to think that I was primarily drawn to the slut I later discovered you were (maybe thinking I wanted what I couldn't have and/or wanted to try to tame the untameable) or the luxury to which you were accustomed, but, at first, your sluttiness made me ill, and I had no real concept of money. My parents were pretty well off, so I'd never needed a job. I would have fallen just as hard for you if you'd lived in a studio apartment. I mean, I had no idea how expensive your loft was. I'd never seen a Mies van der Rohe anything before we met.

(fuck, I'd have fallen just as hard for you if you'd lived in a cardboard box, though, I'll admit, I would have realized you were poor, perhaps destitute).

(Brian) 9:40PM—A cardboard box? Really, Sunshine…the crazy ideas you have…

PS—If anyone could have prevented Brian-Fucking-Kinney from coming into existence, it would have been you.

(Justin) 9:41PM—Sorry, I think my heart stopped beating for a minute. So…shall we pop each other's cherry? (or pretend to…)

(Brian) 9:44PM—I'd like that.


	8. NNP, Interlude, Pretend First Time

Brian suddenly asked, "When did you start puberty?"

Justin's eyes widened. "What? Why?"

"Trust me. It matters."

Justin chuckled. "Oookay. 12."

Brian nodded and made a face indicating that he was impressed. "That's pretty early. Course, I started at 11."

Justin shook his head incredulously. "Are you just being your overly competitive self or is there some benefit to the early onset of puberty that I don't know about?"

Brian grinned. "You experience the benefit every time I fuck you. That is to say, my gigantic dick."

Justin rolled his eyes. "I should have guessed."

"You shouldn't scoff. That's most likely why you're so well-endowed. Though less so than some."

Justin just smiled at Brian's faux self-deprecating head tilt-soft smile combo.

"You were probably packing 5 or 6 inches, erect, by 13, whereas I, by 16, was packing 7."

Justin shook his head. "Only you would know such a thing."

Then he asked, "So…how did we meet?"

"Did you play little league baseball?"

"Yup."

"Me, too. So…suppose we are playing against each other."

Justin smiled a little shyly. "Ok." It was hard to imagine Brian in that context, as just another kid on a baseball field. Of course, Brian wasn't "just" anything. But connecting Brian with a virginal, baseball playing 16-year-old seemed as incongruous as connecting his mother and sex (although the former held much greater appeal).

Brian crawled onto the bed and stretched out onto his side, propping his head up with his hand. He drawled, "It's the bottom of the ninth. I hadn't yet seen you play because you were last in the batting order. I noticed you right away, with your beautiful smile and sparkling blue eyes. And when you bent over to pick up the bat, and I saw your perfectly rounded ass, I knew I was going to fuck you. I'd known that I was attracted to other boys for a while, but I hadn't yet got up the nerve to make a move on anyone."

"Why me?"

"Simple, Sunshine. I wanted you like I'd never wanted anyone."

Justin smiled brightly, and he shivered.

Brian continued, "I was in the outfield, but I was determined to get you into my arms somehow. You hit a home run…"

Justin laughed. "A home run?"

Brian smiled. "Why not?"

"Uh…Cause I sucked…"

"Fate must have stepped in…"

Justin leaned in and nudged Brian's nose. He whispered, "You are really something else…"

Then he pressed his lips gently against Brian's. Brian responded by grabbing Justin's neck, pulling him closer, so close, and then diving in, ravishing Justin's mouth. But a few moments later, the kiss ended as quickly as it had begun. Brian broke their kiss abruptly, kissed Justin's nose, and leaned back onto his hand.

Justin was still breathing heavily, and his face was flushed. Observing him, Brian's heart actually skipped a beat. He took a deep breath and then resumed the story.

"So…you hit the ball into the outfield, but beyond all of the outfielders. Then after a brief moment of paralysis from shock, you smile, drop the bat, and take off running. As you are rounding the bases, I knock down a teammate who is also going for the ball, scoop it up, and run after you. My teammates are all yelling at me to throw it to the third baseman, but I ignore them. I catch up to you right before you reach third base and tag you. In the process, I collide with you, and we go tumbling."

"The result, you in my arms, our lips maybe an inch or two apart. We're both out of breath and staring into each other's eyes. You being precocious and obviously hot for me (if your flushed skin is any indication) lean in and brush your lips against mine. I'm a little surprised by your forwardness and clear interest, so I don't respond right away. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, I miss my chance to kiss you for real. You look up and see that the other kids are watching us, stand, blushing bright red, and start the trek back to the dugout. Before you get too far, I call out, 'Wait for me after the game.' You look back, smiling shyly, and nod. I can't take my eyes off of you for the rest of the game. You try to avoid looking at me. But you are so nervous that you keep dropping things, and you blush the whole time. Finally, the game ends."

"You are very shy, so you can barely look at me, and your cheek is continuously tinged with pink. But still we manage to introduce ourselves. I convince you to call your parents and say that you're staying the night at a friend's, and we head toward my house. Strolling leisurely, with you sneaking looks at me, but not talking much."

"Finally, you are so cute, I can't stand it. I push you up against a nearby tree in a secluded area. Your breath grows ragged, and your face is flushed. I kiss your lips gently. Then I nudge your nose and look into your eyes. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to…I can't even say. The nearest expression would be that I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to consume you, to possess you in every sense of the word. I kiss you again, this time pushing my tongue into your mouth. You jump a little, but then slide your arms around my neck. I deepen the kiss, which you still haven't reciprocated, and slide my hands slowly over your ass. (Brian demonstrated). Fuck touching you feels so good. I have the most painful erection I've ever had. You jump again and actually push your tongue into my mouth and pull me closer. We are kissing frantically, clinging to each other, clawing and pressing. Rubbing. I feel like I could cum right then."

Suddenly, Brian pulled Justin to him roughly. Justin slid his arms around Brian's neck, his breath ragged, and his skin flushed, just like Brian had portrayed his younger self. Brian kissed Justin exactly as he had described (complete with nose nudge and gazing eyes), and very soon they were grinding and grasping, making out like horny teenagers.

Justin sat up, and Brian followed suit. Then Justin scooched closer, eventually opting to straddle Brian. Brian just watched Justin, his eyes open a little wider than normal.

Justin leaned in and kissed him tentatively. Brian growled low in his throat and grabbed Justin's neck, thrusting his tongue deep into Justin's mouth. Brian's intensity took Justin aback. But he was soon putty in Brian's hands, literally falling into him. Fortunately, he caught himself, setting his hands on Brian's shoulders to keep himself upright. Brian slid his hands down to Justin's ass, caressing it gently at first, but then pulling Justin against him hard.

Unexpectedly, he flipped Justin over so that he was sitting on the bed. Then Brian slid to his knees and started unfastening Justin's pants. Justin gasped when Brian ripped them off. And again when Brian divested him of his underwear. Brian looked up at Justin, who was leaning back on his elbows and breathing hard, his mouth open slightly, his eyes wide, and his skin flushed.

Without breaking eye contact, Brian leaned down and drew his tongue along Justin shaft. Justin started to pant. When Brian's tongue reached the tip of Justin's cock, Brian wrapped his mouth around the head and started licking and sucking it.

Justin moaned loud, "Oh…Oh!" Then he cursed, "Shit. Your parents."

Brian laughed. "Still gone."

Justin smiled and blushed a little. "Oh…right."

Suddenly, Brian wolfed down Justin's cock, taking it all into his mouth and beginning to suck on it.

Justin appeared to be in pain, so difficult was it to hold back his orgasm. When Brian started to lick his balls on one particular downstroke, Justin shut his eyes tight.

A few moments later, Brian began sucking on Justin's cock once more. Justin swallowed hard and muttered, "I…I can..can't hold back anymore."

Encouraged, Brian started to bob his head up and down even faster and sucked harder, eliciting a shout from Justin and then a mouthful of hot cum. Justin fell back onto the bed and opened his eyes.

Brian climbed back up next to him, slipped his shirt off, and then began to undress himself. Justin kept peeking at Brian (and then averting his eyes) as Brian revealed more and more of his body. He was flushed and smiling, though shyly.

When Brian was naked, Justin asked softly, "Can I touch you?"

Brian replied, "Please do" and stretched out onto the bed.

Justin ran his fingers along Brian's shaft uncertainly but then gripped it firmly in his hand. He looked at Brian as he started to pump it. Suddenly, he leaned down and licked Brian's left nipple. Brian drew his breath in sharply. Justin sucked on his nipple and then nibbled on its little peak. Brian placed his hand on Justin's shoulder and slid it down to the small of Justin's back slowly, just enjoying the feel of his soft skin.

Justin gripped Brian's cock harder as he jerked him off. Brian's breathing grew ragged in response, and he closed his eyes.

Spotting a condom and a bottle of lube on a nearby table, Justin froze. He hesitated for a moment, biting his lip, but then grabbed both. He slid the condom onto Brian's dick and then slicked it with lube. Brian's eyes flew open the minute he felt the latex against his skin and was now observing Justin closely. Justin reached back and rubbed some lube around his entrance and then straddled Brian. He positioned himself, somewhat awkwardly, so that Brian's cock was resting against his cheeks. He bent over and kissed Brian passionately and then started moving his ass up and down so that Brian's cock was sliding in between his cheeks. Brian deepened their kiss, devouring Justin's mouth. Justin lifted up his head; his eyes dark with desire, he breathed, "Fuck me, Brian."

Brian's eyes widened. He whispered, "Are you…are you sure?"

Justin held Brian's gaze (or, rather, his intense stare) and nodded. Brian directed Justin to sit up and then moved the tip of his cock to Justin's entrance. He placed his hands on Justin's waist and asked, "You ready?"

Justin took a deep breath and nodded again.

Brian started to push inside Justin while also pulling him down. Justin's eyes widened immediately, and a second or two later, he grunted and bit his lip. Brian stopped moving and kneaded the small of his back. When Justin relaxed, he started pushing up once more, but this time, he took Justin's dick (which had started to harden again) in his hand and began pumping it. A few strokes later, Justin licked his lips and moaned softly.

When Brian had pushed his cock halfway inside Justin, he started pulling out and then pushing back in. For a while, Justin just let Brian manipulate his body, but then suddenly, he pushed down until he could feel Brian's balls against his ass. Brian moaned loudly, "Oh fuck, Justin!"

Justin couldn't help but smile.

Then Justin started to meet Brian's thrusts, riding him. Brian continued to jerk Justin off, too fast at first but he soon slowed down, pumping Justin's dick, which was now leaking copious amounts of precum, in time with their thrusts. Before long, Brian was going crazy. He wanted, no needed, to pick up the pace. He could feel his orgasm welling up within him, but then ebbing.

So without warning, he flipped Justin onto his back and started pounding his ass. Justin's eyes shot all the way open in surprise, but then he started moaning loudly. Between Brian's hand on his dick and the feel of Brian's huge throbbing cock rubbing up against his special spot, Justin was dizzy with pleasure. Brian fucked him harder and harder and pumped his cock faster and faster until everything disappeared in a flash of blinding white light. Justin's cock erupted, and he half-moaned, half-shouted, "Oh..Ohhhh…Ohhhhh…Brian! Brian!"

When Justin's ass clamped down on Brian's cock, he let out a guttural cry and arched his back, thrusting a couple more times before collapsing onto Justin's chest. They lay there like that for a couple of minutes, their bodies covered in sweat and their chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath.

Once they had, Brian disengaged, tossed the condom into a nearby trash bin, and then stated coldly, "That was great. Now get the hell out."

Justin stammered, "Wh…what?"

Brian continued to look at Justin coldly. Justin's eyes widened.

But then Brian rolled onto his side and laughed. He pulled Justin into his arms as he confessed, "I was just messing with you."

Justin looked over at Brian and laughed in relief when he saw that Brian's eyes were shining.

Brian smiled shyly and then placed a tender kiss on Justin's cheek.


	9. NNP, the Neverending July, Part 2

**July 16, 2005 (108 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) I called the sperm bank/cryobank Lindsay and I used to conceive Gus and made three appointments, for Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. We need to get this show on the road if we're going to finish before my chemo starts. I'm supposed to bring a "sample" with me from home each time (they can get 1-6 vials of sperm from one sample). I fully expect you to help me collect them.

You should make another big dinner tomorrow. Like last Sunday. Soon I won't have much of an appetite.

(Justin) I would love nothing better than to help you collect the samples (and to cook my man a feast). We should definitely incorporate role playing into the sample collection sessions. Yesterday was…incredible!

(Brian) It was, wasn't it? (It's kinda hot when you call me your man)

**Sunday July 17, 2005 (107 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) Brian Kinney, you never cease to amaze me. I don't know how you arranged a housewarming party so quickly, even flying Lindsay, Mel, and Gus here for the day! I took so many pictures of you with Gus: Gus sitting on your lap helping you open presents, Gus starting a food fight (like he'd seen on TV), landing a forkful of Waldorf salad on top of your head, and Gus sleeping in your lap by the pool. I bet Hunter got some good ones, too. I barely saw his face he was taking so many.

(Brian) You did the hard part (the cooking). And don't get all melty on me…I was just trying to get rid of the cookies. They were delicious, but I certainly couldn't finish an entire batch by myself, and, for some strange reason, you stubbornly refused to eat any, declaring hotly that you'd made them for me.

**Monday July 18, 2005 (106 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) I'll get all melty any time I like! (hmmph) Whatever you say, the surprise housewarming party was perfect. Just what we both needed.

(Brian) I agree.

**Tuesday July 19, 2005 (105 days until the wedding)**

_**Sample Collection #1**_

Brian smiled shyly at Justin and drawled, "You're hot! You wanna fuck me?"

Justin stared at Brian expressionlessly.

Brian held his gaze and drew a finger slowly over the bulge in Justin's pants. "I bet you have a huge cock…"

With a quickness and a ferocity that took both Brian and the hustler he played aback, Justin pushed him flat against the wall, facing front, and growled in his ear, "You want me to shove my huge cock in your tight little ass?"

Brian rapidly recovered from his shock and managed to reply seductively, "Sure, mister. 50 bucks."

Justin laughed and spun Brian around. He dropped 75 on the floor, shoved Brian to his knees, and ordered him coldly, "Suck my cock."

Despite the chill in his voice and demeanor, Justin couldn't help but caress Brian's face gently with one hand and run his fingers through Brian's soft chestnut hair with the other as Brian freed his cock and deepthroated it.

Justin murmured, "You really are beautiful" and then moaned loudly when Brian swallowed around the head of his cock. Justin leaned his head back, his breath ragged and his face flushed. After a few minutes, Justin felt like he was going to explode. He licked his dry lips and tried to speak, but his voice came out too high and broken. He cleared his throat and finally managed to state coldly, "Strip."

Brian stood and started to remove his clothes. Slowly. He stared at Justin the entire time.

Justin stared back at Brian, occasionally letting his gaze fall onto Brian's smooth bronze skin and taut muscles. When he saw Brian's cock, hard and leaking, he couldn't help but lick his lips. That brought a complacent smile to Brian's. Justin narrowed his eyes. They glinted like steel. Suddenly Justin shoved Brian face first against the wall. In a matter of seconds, Justin had sheathed his cock, slicked it with lube, grabbed Brian's hips roughly, and buried his cock in Brian's ass. He didn't do so in one go, but he was hardly gentle. Brian bit back a cry.

Justin began thrusting hard and fast. After a minute or two, he gripped Brian's cock, smiling when he found that it was covered with precum. He could even feel it throbbing. He chuckled and declared with amusement, "You like it rough."

Brian rasped, "Yes."

Justin licked Brian's neck and then began sucking on it as he continued to jerk him off. Just a couple minutes later, Brian whispered, "Now, Justin."

Justin grabbed a plastic cup with his free hand from a nearby end table and handed it to Brian. Then he placed his hand back on Brian's hip and fucked him harder and faster, continuing to jerk Brian off in time with his thrusts.

A few moments later, Justin breathed, "Your ass is divine." In response, Brian let out a guttural cry. When his ass clamped down onto Justin's cock, Justin arched his back and closed his eyes tight. He thrust a couple more times, moaned a deep body moan, and exploded inside of Brian.

Justin rested his head on Brian's back, his chest heaving, trying to catch his breath. When he had, he disengaged, removed the condom, tossed it into the trash bin, and collapsed onto the bed. A heartbeat later, he burst into laughter. Brian had not moved an inch. He was frowning darkly at the plastic cup. He'd more than filled it; cum was dripping down the side, rolling down his hand, and pooling on the floor by his feet.

Justin, still laughing, asked, "Need a hand?"

Brian flashed him a cold smile. "I think your hand has done quite enough."

Justin beamed.

**Wednesday July 20, 2005 (104 days until the wedding)**

(Brian) What's with all the hats? Neither of us have ever owned even one hat, and now the house is literally swimming in them. Berets, boaters, bowlers, baseball caps, bucket hats, cowboy hats, chullos, chupallas, fedoras, flat caps, Panama hats, top hats, and even a fucking ushanka.

(Justin) Just trying to broaden your fashion horizons…give the ushanka a chance. I think it's hot!

**Thursday July 21, 2005 (103 days until the wedding)**

_**Sample Collection #2**_

Brian was wearing loose-fitting jeans and nothing else, Justin, black leather pants, _the_ black leather pants, and a tight red shirt.

Justin drawled, "Does your wife know where you are?"

Brian tilted his head and smiled. Cheekily, he replied, "But of course. This is my weekly anger management session."

Justin raised an eyebrow. "So spanking and ass pounding pass for anger management, now?"

Brian shot him a seductive look and responded, in a voice husky with desire, "Yes, Daddy. Only you can make me behave. Teach me to play nice."

Justin laughed and grabbed the front of Brian's jeans, pulling him closer. Then he ordered coldly, "Take off the jeans and bend over."

Brian switched his hips and unbuttoned his jeans, opening his eyes wide and smiling softly.

Justin hissed, "I didn't ask you to flirt."

Then he spun Brian around, pulled his pants down, and shoved him over a table.

Justin grabbed a paddle off the bed and added, "You are a very, very bad boy," punctuating each word with a whack of the paddle.

Brian grunted softly after each blow.

Justin purred, "So tell me, Brian…how many times did you fulfill your husbandly duties last week?"

"Once."

Justin laughed. "You expect me to believe that a man with as voracious a sexual appetite as you have only got off once last week?"

"Twice…" Brian's voice rose a bit at the end.

"Is that a question or an answer?"

Brian sighed. "Three times."

Justin moved closer to Brian and began rubbing his erect cock against Brian's ass. Brian moaned softly.

"Do you like the feel of leather against your skin, or is it my cock you like?"

Brian groaned and then muttered, "Both."

Justin commanded, "Stand up and turn around."

Brian obeyed.

Justin reached over to the bed and grabbed a cat o' nine tails. Then he started drawing it lightly over Brian's stiff and leaking cock.

He purred, "Do you think of me when your cock is buried deep inside her? When she's sucking you off?"

Brian looked down, but said nothing.

Justin snapped the cat o' nine tails, striking Brian's cock. Brian winced.

Justin hissed, "Do you?"

Brian lifted his head until his eyes met Justin's. His eyes dark with desire, Brian growled, "Yes. Always. I imagine I'm fucking your tight little ass, that I'm squeezing your round firm cheeks, (licking his lips) that it's your plump, soft lips sliding up and down my shaft."

Suddenly, Justin dropped the cat o' nine tails and grabbed Brian by the neck, kissing him ferociously, possessively, as though with one kiss, he could forever mark him as his own. But when Brian threaded his fingers through Justin's silky blond hair, Justin abruptly broke away, spinning Brian around and shoving him onto his stomach.

Justin quickly unzipped his pants, sheathed his cock, and slicked it with lube. Then he grabbed Brian's hips and buried his cock to the hilt in one go. Brian cried out in pleasure and in pain.

Justin hissed, "Let me leave with something to remember me by. A token of pain to help get you through your husbandly duties."

Then he started fucking Brian hard and fast, eliciting from Brian a chorus of mingled moans and grunts.

Justin threw back his head, his breathing ragged. He licked his dry lips and moaned, "Oh fuck, Brian. You have the sweetest ass. Drives me fucking crazy."

At that, Brian shuddered. Justin reached for Brian's cock, but he pushed Justin's hand away.

He breathed, "I'm close. So close."

Brian's whispered words set Justin on fire. He fucked Brian faster and faster until his vision exploded in a flash of bright white light. His orgasm ripped through him with such power that he nearly lost consciousness. He didn't feel Brian's ass clamp down on his cock or hear Brian moaning his name over and over as he, too, came. A soft lowing sound finally brought Justin back to earth. It was Brian.

As Justin pulled out and disposed of the condom, Brian turned around, grinning like a fool. He set the filled sample container on the table and drawled, "Thanks for milking me, Tex. My udders were getting a mite heavy."

Justin shook his head and breathed, "Such a freak…"

**Friday July 22, 2005 (102 days until the wedding)**

Brian and Justin decided to go out, so Brian spent two hours trying on and ultimately rejecting shirts. Justin watched in amusement for a long time, but, eventually, pulled a tight maroon button down shirt out of the wardrobe and nonchalantly handed it to Brian. Brian put it on, examined himself from all angles (they had two full length free standing mirrors in the bedroom), and smiled.

Still looking at himself in the mirror, he drawled, "Perfect."

A moment later, Brian pulled Justin into his arms and kissed his neck. He whispered, "How do you always know?"

Justin just smiled.

Brian chuckled. He reached for the dark brown ushanka, which was sitting on a nearby table, and placed it on his head. "I think I might even give this a try."

Justin purred, "It suits you," nudged his nose, and then thrust his tongue into Brian's mouth, kissing him passionately. Brian's ardor matched Justin's own, so he responded eagerly, and they spent a few minutes necking and grinding. Finally, Brian broke their kiss. Breathlessly, he said, "We'll never leave the house if we keep this up."

Justin pouted, but brightened when Brian asked him to wear the black leather pants and tight red shirt from yesterday's role play. Justin immediately agreed. (Brian actually used the phrase "pretty please." How could he say no?)

Later, they were dancing together at Babylon when Justin noticed Brian looking around, his eyes wide and his face tight. Justin frowned for a moment, but then started to unbutton Brian's shirt, placing open-mouthed kisses down his chest and abdomen as he went.

Brian laughed. "Sunshine, what are you doing?"

"Noffing" came the muffled reply.

Once Brian's shirt was unbuttoned all the way, Justin swung around so that he was standing behind Brian. Then he began licking and sucking on Brian's neck as he rubbed Brian's hard cock through his dark blue jeans.

Everyone around them had started to stare hungrily at Brian. Justin, noticing the change, stopped kissing Brian's neck long enough to peek at him and read his expression. Brian was relaxed and grinning, clearly enjoying the attention. Justin smiled brightly and resumed his ministrations to Brian's neck.

A few minutes later, Justin dragged Brian to the back room. He explained, "I need your nine-inch cock in my mouth. Pronto."

Much, much later, when Brian and Justin were back at home, lying in bed, Brian naked but Justin still fully clothed, Brian declared, "Don't think I don't know what you were doing earlier. At Babylon."

Justin raised an eyebrow and asked innocently, "Why whatever do you mean?"

Brian just stared at Justin.

Justin purred, "Are you going to stare at me all night, making baseless accusations, or are you going to fuck me? I know you want to. You had your hands on my ass all night."

Brian chuckled. "That isn't even a question…"

**Saturday July 23, 2005 (101 days until the wedding)**

_**Sample Collection #3**_

Brian smiled, but there was sadness in it.

He lamented softly, "I was disappointed that you never called me after our date."

Justin looked at Brian as though he'd suddenly expressed the desire to become a potato. He stated incredulously (and a little bitterly), "You told me that the food I'd cooked tasted like gasoline-flavored Styrofoam, that I could stand to lose a few pounds, and that I'd be much more attractive if I spoke less."

Brian raised an eyebrow. "Have you never heard of flirting?"

Justin's eyes grew as large as saucers. "You call that flirting?"

"Well, yes. We are men after all. Would you rather I had told you how beautiful your eyes are?"

Justin blinked. Brian squirmed uncomfortably. A full two minutes later, Justin replied, "Only if you thought so."

Brian shrugged. "If you want to act like we're heteros, I'll oblige…"

Justin snapped, "Fucking Christ, Brian! Everyone wants to be treated nicely by…uh…their potential bedmates. This isn't rocket science! Could you be any more socially inept?"

But Brian wasn't listening. Or he didn't appear to be. Instead, he was checking Justin out. Justin turned bright red when he realized Brian wasn't listening and an even brighter red when he unexpectedly reached into Justin's jeans and grabbed his cock.

Justin muttered, "What the fuck…"

Still ignoring Justin, Brian unzipped Justin's jeans and pushed them to the floor. Justin nearly had a heart attack when Brian fell to his knees. He smirked and looked up at Justin. "You have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen." Then he deepthroated Justin's cock.

Justin's breathing immediately grew ragged. He murmured, "Oh fuck, Brian…"

Brian grabbed Justin's ass, caressing it for a moment, but then using it to pull Justin closer as he bobbed his head. Brian sucked Justin's cock faster and faster, until Justin moaned, "So close."

Then, unaccountably, Brian stopped.

Justin stared at Brian in surprise as he slipped a condom on Justin's cock and slicked it with lube. He continued to stare as Brian pushed him onto the couch, stripped, and then mounted him.

Justin's head fell back as he felt his cock surrounded by Brian's tight wet heat. He moaned a deep body moan. Brian licked his lips and then bit his lower lip as he lowered himself onto Justin's shaft. Then he started riding it.

Justin breathed, "Oh God…"

Brian smiled and leaned in. He placed his lips on Justin's lips gently at first, but then thrust his tongue into his mouth, kissing him passionately, ravishing his mouth. Justin didn't respond right away, but then grabbed Brian by the neck and kissed him with an intensity that caused Brian to tremble.

Justin had been so overwhelmed by their encounter that he hadn't yet thought of Brian's pleasure. Not until their scorching kiss. But now, he reached for Brian's erect cock, which was almost purple and covered in precum. He grabbed it firmly and started jerking the man off. In response, Brian let out a guttural moan and rode Justin faster. Both their orgasms hit so quickly that Justin almost forgot about the sample container (as Brian clearly had done). When Brian's cock started to erupt, Justin somehow managed to grab the container, but, as waves of pleasure coursed through his body, he had great difficulty holding it steady.

When the aftershocks had subsided, Justin set the container back on the end table. Then seeing that some of Brian's cum had dripped onto his fingers, he smiled and licked them clean.

Brian grinned. He teased softly, "Cum whore."

Justin smiled. "And you fucking love it."

Suddenly, Brian's face wore a serious expression. He stated huskily, "I do. Whatever you are, I love you, Justin."

Justin teased, "You better. After all, you did make me the cum whore I am today."

Brian scoffed. "You were born that way. I could see it in your beautiful blue eyes the day we met. Why do you think I approached you?"

Justin laughed. "Be sure to put that in your vows."

Brian looked thoughtful. "Maybe I will."

Justin's eyes widened. "You better not." Then he started tickling Brian and pinching his nipples.

Brian laughed and yelped and then finally relented, "Okay, okay. You win!"

Then more softly, "You always do."

**Sunday July 24, 2005 (100 days until the wedding)**

(Justin) 6pm—I should have known something was up when my mother suddenly demanded that I come over for a very belated Mother's Day brunch, just me, her, and Molly. That was fucking low, Brian. Telling my mother to guilt trip me for missing Mother's Day while I was hiding out at the studio. I came home pissed as hell at you for urging my mother to trick me into leaving you alone the day before your first chemotherapy treatment.

But…then I saw what you'd been doing while I was gone… setting up a studio for me in the huge room at the back of the house that opens directly into the garden, with every art supply I could ever need and a computer station, even installing hooks for a wall canvas, hanging an empty one, and assembling a pump jack scaffold so that I can paint at any height I want. I adore my new work space! I hope I conveyed that sufficiently when I jumped into your arms (knocking you over with the force of my excitement), ripped your clothes off (licking, sucking, and nibbling every inch of skin I could reach) and then mine, and then rode you slowly…until you were moaning my name, finally, desperate for release, flipping me over and pounding my tight little ass until you exploded. (Writing all that out gave me a hard on. When I'm done, I think I need to initiate round 2).

That was a wonderful surprise, an amazing gift, but I'm starting to worry (again)…with all your machinations, sometimes I feel like a pinball, always just reacting, skittering in one direction and then another and then another. I hope you keep your game playing to a minimum over the next couple of months. I need to be with you through your chemotherapy, by your side at every point. Please don't shut me out. Not again. That would kill me—————

(Brian) 6:30pm— Good thing I wrestled this out of your hand before round 2…can't have my Sunshine preoccupied when I'm trying to fuck his brains out. I wasn't trying to push you away. I just thought…I don't know…that you might need a place to work more now than before…because I'm about to start chemotherapy. The day we got the test results back, you suddenly developed a case of insomnia and spent most of the night baking. Plus…you set a date far into the future so that you could "accomplish something meaningful" and "become someone" before the wedding. I don't want anything to interfere with that. I want to marry you as soon as possible. We've already waited too long.

(Justin) 6:40pm— Oh Brian…

**Monday July 25, 2005 (99 days until the **_**ginormous family**_** wedding)**

(Brian) 12:01am—You've officially gone insane, Sunshine. But…I don't mind tagging along. In fact, I'll join in. I don't want to forget a single detail.

You and I were lying in bed following round 2 (You blew me. Then I rimmed you until you were begging for my cock. I fucked you old school, you lying on your back, so I could look into your eyes). After a mind-blowing orgasm, literally mind blowing, immediately after (my dick was still buried in your tight little ass), you piped up cheerfully, "Let's get married."

I raised an eyebrow (pulled out, disposed of the condom, and crawled into bed next to you) and replied, "We're already planning to get married."

You rested your chin on my stomach, looked up at me with those bright blue eyes, and countered, "No, I mean right now. Let's take a plane to Toronto."

I reminded you, "My chemo starts tomorrow…"

You interjected, "Yeah…in the afternoon. We still have plenty of time."

I protested, "But you said that you wanted to 'accomplish something meaningful' and 'become someone' before…"

You, impudent little twat, cut me off, "I'm already someone. I'm Brian Kinney's partner. If I never make a name for myself in the art world, I won't care…as long as I'm always your partner, as long as I'm always yours."

I swallowed hard and blinked a few times.

You paused and then added more softly, "I was so stupid. I had this idea about how everything should go…but all that matters is that we marry…not when or how."

I shook my head, cleared my throat, and then argued, "No…you wished for a big, no a ginormous, wedding…What was it you said? Because you bagged the stud of Liberty Avenue, when everyone said it couldn't be done."

My voice lesbianically husky, I continued, "I want to make all your wishes come true…"

Your eyes glistened. Probably your allergies acting up again. You whispered, "and I want to make all of yours come true…"

Then you suggested enthusiastically, "Okay…so we can have two weddings. One just us in Toronto and a ginormous one here with family and friends. It makes sense for us to commit to each other first privately. Our relationship or 'whatever' was always like that. No one ever understood us or what we shared. They probably still don't."

You were right, of course. No one, even now, understands what you mean to me. Except you (I hope).

I smiled. "Alright."

"Alright?"

I nodded. Then you smiled your Sunshine smile and jumped on top of me, wrapping your arms around my neck and resting your head on my chest. You whispered, "I love you, Brian."

I whispered back, "I love you, too, Sunshine."

We just lay there for a few minutes, in each other's arms.

I lifted my head a little and grinned. Then I drawled, "Care for a celebratory shower blow job?"

You smiled, jumped out of bed, and declared, "I'll race you. First one in gets theirs first."

Then you took off. I followed, but didn't run. I was eager to have your dick in my mouth.

**Still Monday July 25, 2005 (99 days until the ginormous family wedding)**

(Brian) 4am—We're headed to the airport now. We managed to find 2 nonstop flights: One will get us to Toronto at 6:30am, and the other will get us back home at 2pm. Then, of course, we'll need to make a mad dash to the hospital to get me there by 2:30pm. According to the City of Toronto Registry Services Office, to obtain a marriage license, we need only fill out a form, show them a license and a birth certificate for each of us, and pay a $130 fee. No waiting period. Sounds simple enough. After that, we'll need to locate a justice of the peace or a judge willing to marry us, but that shouldn't be too hard.

(Justin) 7:30am—We're at a strange diner where you order at the counter and then (whenever it's ready) someone brings you your food, killing time until the Registry Services Office opens (Right now, you're ordering; it's actually quite busy here, so we thought it prudent for me to grab a table).

You and I didn't talk much on the plane, though you held my hand. I think we were (and are) just nervous. I spent most of the flight with my head on your shoulder. But at one point, I sat up quickly and burst out, "Oh no! What are we going to do about rings?"

You, as usual, were unperturbed, replying evenly, "I was thinking that instead of exchanging rings, this time, anyway, that I could give you my bracelet to wear."

My eyes widened as I contemplated this possibility. Almost immediately, a huge grin spread over my face…I couldn't have stopped myself from grinning like a fool if I'd wanted to.

I asked, a little shyly (I felt like I'd time shifted back to when I was 17, being approached by the most beautiful man I'd even seen or imagined, or 18, being told by the aforesaid man that his lips were mine and no one else's), "You mean like boys do with girls in high school after asking them to 'go steady?'"

Your eyes widened a little, and you stared off into space for a moment. Apparently, you hadn't thought of it that way. Then you smiled softly and nodded.

I sighed happily. "I like the sound of that. Brian and Justin going steady."

You muttered, "Twat," but then you kissed my cheek and guided my head back to your shoulder.

(Justin) 8:15am—Over breakfast (a delicious Belgian waffle and hash browns for me and for you toast and an egg white omelet, with which you seemed less than enthused, grimacing after the first bite), I inquired, "Should we say our own vows?"

The expression on your face was priceless (it took everything in me not to laugh, and hard); you looked like a deer caught in headlights. But when I added, "We could just say whatever comes to mind," you relaxed a little and nodded. Now we're off to the Registry Services Office (it opens at 8:30am).

**Still Monday July 25, 2005 (99 days until the ginormous family wedding)**

(Justin) 10am—Everything before the judge indicated that I was to say my vows was a blur. We obtained the marriage license with little trouble, and, then, the clerk gave us the name of a judge who often performed civil ceremonies for gay couples. As luck would have it, he was available. You explained our situation (that we were going to have two ceremonies, one for us and one for our families, that we would not be exchanging rings this time, and that we would recite our own vows). Meanwhile, I held your hand. Tight. I felt a little dizzy, but the feeling wasn't unpleasant. I felt kind of like I was floating. I was there and I wasn't. Next thing I can remember, I was standing next to you, my hands in your hands, falling into the depths of your hazel eyes. Your firm grip, your warmth, and the boundless love I saw in your eyes kept me upright, though I felt terribly faint. I took a deep breath and smiled. This was really happening.

After the judge prodded me again (he'd indicated several times that I should say my vows, but I was a bit hazy), I confessed, my voice husky with emotion, "Brian…I still can't believe we're here. (You smiled softly then.) I've loved you since the day we met, since the moment my eyes found yours. You were my first and are my ultimate everything. My lover, my muse, my salvation, my heart. (I traced your ring lightly then.) The source of my greatest pleasure and joy. The source of my greatest pain. But that's it; that's what I want. I want us to fuck (I looked over at the judge, blushed, and apologized, but he just smiled)…I want us to fuck, fight, and love each other forever. (You grinned then.) Now for the promises. (I took a deep breath.) I promise to always be honest. Every day that I'm with you will be a day I choose you and us, with an open heart and eyes only for you. From where I stand now, particularly when I look back, I can't imagine a day that I won't love and want only you. I have every moment since the very beginning. (Your eyes glistened then.) No matter how I've changed. But should the unimaginable happen, I won't simply go through the motions with you. That would dishonor everything you've ever meant to me, everything we've meant to each other. I also promise to encourage you to grow, even if (I swallowed hard) that means we grow apart. I'll always remember the amazing transformations you're capable of and never again fear them. In short, I promise to love you, the real you (whomever that may be), to love you completely, and to cherish every single day we share. Having said all that, I want to wake up and fall asleep in your arms every day and every night, while we raise a family and ever after, until we're crotchety old men with liver spots and prescriptions for Viagra (You chuckled then)."

The judge said, "Now you, Brian."

"First, I'd like to state, for the record, that I find your comment about liver spots and Viagra offensive. I will never have the one or need the other. Now onto my vows…(You paused for a full minute here.) Justin, you are the greatest surprise and the greatest gift. I say "are" instead of "were" because every day you manage to surprise me, and every day you give me something more, something new. (You paused then. When you continued, your voice was husky, threatening to break at any moment.) You brought light into a dark heart, a dark soul, a dark life. I didn't think I could change, and I certainly didn't want to. But you gave me a reason. That's it: You're the reason. My reason. For everything. (Your voice broke on 'everything.' I blinked back tears and swallowed hard, my body trembling.) Based on your vows, I have only one. I promise to do everything in my power to keep my place in your heart, to keep your eyes focused on me…because, despite everything I've ever said about not making impossible promises and not locking doors, I know, with absolute certainty, that I will be madly in love with you until we're crotchety old men and even after. That's it, Sunshine, the last rule. I've now officially broken every one. (At this point, tears were streaming down my face, and you'd even let a few fall.)"

The judge said, "Brian place the bracelet on Justin's wrist and repeat after me…"

You interjected, "If I might, I'd like to recite something I've prepared."

"By all means…"

I raised an eyebrow.

You took your bracelet off, placed it around my left wrist, and fastened it. Then you said, "Justin, I've worn this bracelet all of my adult life. It represents who I was before we met. Take it as proof that that person no longer exists and as a symbol of my heart, which belongs to you. Only you."

For a moment, I couldn't breathe, and my heart stopped beating. You gazed at me with such intensity that my entire body flushed.

Then the judge declared, "By the power vested in me by the province of Ontario, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss."

And kiss we did. You took me into your arms and sent your lips crashing down onto mine, kissing me so passionately that my legs turned to jello. I held on for dear life and responded feverishly, putting into our kiss everything I had, all my love and all my desire, from the moment we met until this. I could feel your skin flush and your body tremble. Or was that mine?


	10. NNP, Interlude, the Wedding Night

A/N: Bear with me. I think you'll end up liking this part, even though it's weird.

**Still Monday July 25, 2005 (99 days until the ginormous family wedding)**

**The Wedding Night, Romeo and Juliet Style**

Brian: I bought the cow, but still haven't gotten the milk. Haven't had the chance to touch the soft milky white skin beneath Justin's clothes, to run my hands along his smooth back as I ram his tight little ass. Not since the wedding. (sighs) Justin should be here already. (under his breath) Fuck, I'm pathetic! Like a kid on Christmas Eve, lying in bed, impatiently awaiting morning, but, in my case, the dead of night.

_Brian looks down at the engagement ring Justin had given him—a dark rose gold (that almost looks like pure copper) open Celtic knot ring, with hearts in the knotwork and "You are my heart" inscribed on the inside, which he had moved to his left ring finger as he lay in bed waiting for Justin's return (he had been wearing it on his right hand to distinguish it from a wedding band). _

_Enter a heavyset blonde nurse._

Brian: Did you leave the ward door open?

Nurse: Yes.

_Brian hands her 50 bucks. She takes it at first, but hesitantly. Then she presses the folded bill back into Brian's hand._

Nurse: I fear that the open door will not bring him here.

Brian (anxiously): Why? Did something happen to Justin?

_The nurse looks down and shakes her head. Brian, though drained from his first chemotherapy session, manages to rise and make his way over to her, albeit slowly. Brian grabs the nurse. She lifts her eyes. They are wide with fear._

Brian: Out with it! Where's Justin?

Nurse: He's gone! Gone!

_Brian nearly collapses. He catches himself before he hits the floor, grabbing the bed frame and pulling himself back to a standing position. He doesn't release the bed frame; in fact, he holds it so tightly that his knuckles turn white. His eyes are dull._

Brian: God is a punk.

_Brian lets his head fall. _

Nurse: Not God. Justin.

_Brian lifts his head and fixes her with a cold stare._

Brian: What the fuck are you muttering about? Is Justin dead or not? I'm about to lose my fucking shit, so skip the games! Answer with a simple yes or no!

Nurse: I saw it with my own eyes. His face bruised. Blood everywhere. I almost fainted.

_Brian shakes his head and stares through unseeing eyes, which are beginning to fill with tears._

Brian: No, no, no. No! (The nurse jumps) We were finally together. Even married. Justin…Justin didn't have the chance to wake up or fall asleep in his husband's arms. Not even once.

Nurse (wailing): Oh Bob! Bob! Such a great guy! But you won't be able to bring the night nurses coffee and muffins anymore, will you? Never again!

_Brian frowns and turns to face the nurse. _

Nurse: Blue…berry, blueberry was my favorite! I don't know where he got them, now I guess I never will, but they were moist, so moist!

_Brian's eyes burn with a frightening intensity. The nurse draws back in horror, fearing that he might strike her. _

Brian (growls): You're making no sense! Who is Bob and what do he and his muffins have to do with Justin?

Nurse: Bob's been fired, and the cops dragged Justin away! Bob was fired for pushing Justin's little girlfriend, and Justin was taken away for punching Bob.

_Brian huffs a laugh and grins. _

Brian: Justin actually hit someone? Defending Daphne?

Nurse: Yes, yes! He knocked Bob to the ground, bruising and bloodying his nose!

Brian (smiles shyly, his eyes dancing): Bad boys are hot! (more softly, so softly that the nurse can't quite hear him) Particularly when they have sparkling blue eyes that glitter even more brilliantly in anger, silky blond hair, and creamy-white skin, soft, but resilient. I know quite well what a mean right hook little Sunshine has. So many seeming contradictions…but somehow, everything, every quality, fits…makes perfect sense…

Nurse: Tsk. Tsk. Justin's a monster!

Brian (scoffs): Try an angel. With the patience of a saint. He put up with me, a gruff, hypercritical bastard, _for years_. My whoring around, my inability to tell him how I felt, my habit of pushing him away any time he got really close…He stuck it out for the 5 years, and the two near death experiences, it took for me to get over all my bullshit, and…and he just agreed to continue putting up with me and my shit for the rest of his life. And eagerly.

Nurse: How can you call a violent beast an angel?

Brian (stares at the nurse blankly): Uh…He's my husband. We're newlyweds, just married today. What the fuck do you expect me to say? That a beautiful talented man like Justin is somehow beneath an undoubtedly overweight man with a bakery hookup? If he hit this Bob guy, Bob deserved it.

Nurse: Will you speak to the hospital's administration on Bob's behalf?

Brian (laughs): Uh, no. No fucking way. (sighs) You might as well shut the ward door now. We won't be consummating our marriage tonight.

Nurse (suddenly feeling compassionate): Lie down; I'll find Justin and bring him to you.

_Brian plops onto the bed and scootches back. Then, when the nurse approaches, arranging the blankets and pillows so that he's more comfortable, he slips his ring off and hands it to her. _

Brian: If you do find him, please give this to him. Tell him…tell him…actually, (he swallows hard) just give him the ring. He'll understand.

_The nurse nods and leaves._

A now 26-year-old Gus cried out, "Dad! That can't be how it happened!"

Brian just shrugged.

Gus complained, "Pa!"

Justin sighed and interjected, "I really wish you'd never outgrown 'Papa.' You make me sound like Charles Ingalls!"

Gus furrowed his brow in confusion. Both he and his three sisters asked, "Who?"

Justin shook his head and laughed. "Never mind."

Gus shrugged and then continued his original complaint/request, "Make Dad tell the story right!"

Justin smiled brightly. "Since when have I ever been able to make your father do anything?"

Brian met Justin's smile with his own, but his was a soft smile. He pulled Justin into his lap sideways, wrapped his arms around Justin, and kissed him deeply. This was met by a chorus of Eeww_s_. Justin tried to break their kiss, but Brian held him fast for another minute, kissing him even more deeply. Only when Justin could no longer hold back a soft moan (which elicited a chorus of disgusted Oh_s_ from the peanut gallery) did Brian let him go, raising his hands in surrender as Justin climbed to his feet.

Gus pleaded, "Could you at least bring it down to an R rating?"

Brian scoffed, "You're all legal. And I've seen your porn. You've got no room to talk."

"Come on, Dad! That is _not_ the same! None of us wants to hear you describing Pa's ass or lamenting not having 'rammed it.'"

Justin frowned. "Hey!"

Brian slapped Justin's ass and reassured him, "Even now, 27 years after I first had the pleasure of _ramming_ your tight little ass (shooting his son a cold stare), it's just as fine."

When the children groaned, Brian sighed. "Ah, Sunshine. How did we ever father fucking Puritans?"

"It's not their DNA. They just fell in with the wrong crowd."

Brian nodded slowly, a grave expression on his face. Then he asked, "So do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

The peanut gallery replied, simultaneously, "Yes!" (though Gus's affirmation was less enthusiastic than that of his sisters.)

_*******_

_Hunter and a very distraught Justin stand in the hospital parking lot talking. _

Hunter: You are so cursed, man!

Justin: What was the verdict? I'm guessing it wasn't good.

Hunter: Nope.

Justin (gestures with his hand that Hunter should continue): And?

Hunter: Well, the cops are willing to let you off with a warning, but the hospital staff, particularly the night nurses, were out for blood. They wouldn't stop until the cops made your release conditional on your never returning to the hospital.

Justin (sets his jaw and kicks a trash bin): Fuck! You should have just let them arrest me! Then I could have returned after making bail.

Hunter: There are other hospitals. In fact, there are three others in Pittsburgh alone.

Justin: But none have Brian in them, none but this. I can't go three days without seeing him. Not when he's receiving chemotherapy treatments. No fucking way!

Hunter: The pigs did you a favor! You just can't see it.

Justin: Favor my ass! Every man or woman and their brother can walk into that hospital and see Brian, everyone but me. Mel could go in there and fucking hold his hand, not that she would, but she could. How fair is that? (narrows his eyes) Is this your way of making another play for him? Because I thought you were smitten with Daphne…"

Hunter: Dude, calm down. I'm not making another play for Brian. I am _so_ over him!

Justin (doubtfully): Mmm hmm.

Hunter: If you'll relax and hear me out, I have a plan.

Justin: Unless that plan involves transferring Brian to another hospital tonight, I doubt it will help.

Hunter: Dumbasses never listen.

Justin: Know-it-alls are blind.

Hunter: As I see it, your situation is like this…

Justin: You can't possibly understand my situation.

_Justin sits on the curb, his head in his hands. _

_*******_

Justin stopped Brian's retelling of their secret wedding night to add, "Your Uncle Hunter couldn't understand because he had no idea that we'd been married in Canada. I'd been with your dad during his first treatment, so he had no clue why I was so desperate to see him that night. He didn't know that it was our wedding night."

_*******_

_Suddenly, Brian's nurse emerges from the shadows. Hunter jumps. He hadn't heard her approach. Justin is still unaware of her presence. _

Nurse: I am Brian Kinney's nurse. I saw you with Justin Taylor earlier. Where is he now?

Hunter (laughs): Over there, crying like a little girl!

_*******_

Brian and Justin's daughters interrupted their dad, exclaiming, "Crying _like a little girl_!" Then they exchanged a look that seemed to suggest Uncle Hunter would soon be facing their wrath.

Brian chuckled.

_*******_

Nurse: Brian's in nearly as bad a shape. Course, he just underwent chemotherapy this afternoon. You, Justin, stand up if you be a man and pull yourself together.

_Justin looks up, raising an eyebrow._

Nurse: Brian sent me here.

Justin: How is he? He hasn't developed a fever or experienced any other side effects has he?

Nurse: None other than fatigue. His body's one thing; his mind's another. He's worried about you.

_Justin looks down and then back up nervously._

Justin: Does he…does he know that I punched an orderly?

_The nurse just nods._

Justin: Did he seem angry or embarrassed by it?

_Angry at Justin for getting the orderly fired, the nurse lies. _

Nurse: He seemed not only angry and embarrassed but also disappointed.

Justin: Why did I punch him? I'm not usually the violent type. It's just…I was so frustrated. If Brian and I were a heterosexual couple, I wouldn't need to sneak in. If we were and they knew we were engaged, they would probably have simply let me stay the night with the man I love, the man with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life, the man who might not have much life left to spend with me.

_Speaking aloud his greatest fear, Justin becomes so upset that his eyes fill with tears, and his voice quivers. The nurse almost confesses the truth so moved is she by his emotion._

Hunter: Dude, don't be so hard on yourself and, _please_, spare us the melodrama. You're hot, smart, and in love with an awesome guy, your first love even. You are finally back with Brian, and you're engaged. Brian may be sick again, but his chances are good. And on top of that, despite your stupidity, the cops let you off with a warning. You have everything. Stop behaving like a brat, a spoiled child!

_Justin is taken aback at first, but then he laughs and wipes the tears away. _

Hunter: So you'll sneak in tonight and leave before morning, when the doctors come in. Then Brian can protest your being banned from the hospital. If the hospital administrators don't lift it, he can threaten to switch hospitals. It'll all work out. With the economic downturn we're suffering, they have to give in.

_Justin smiles, but then frowns and looks down. _

Justin: What if Brian doesn't want to see me? His nurse said…

Nurse (interrupting): I misled you. He wasn't angry, embarrassed, or disappointed. In fact, he looked proud and (coloring) a little turned on.

Hunter (laughs): Now that sounds more like Brian

_Justin flushes with pleasure. _

Nurse: And…Brian gave me something to give you. He said you'd know what it meant.

_Justin rises and approaches the blond woman. She hands him Brian's engagement ring. He takes it, runs his fingers along its surface gently, and then slips it on his thumb (it's too big for his fingers). Then, unconsciously, he draws his fingers absently along Brian's bracelet, which now dons his wrist. _

_Hunter returns with blue scrubs he'd managed to steal, complete with hat and face mask. Justin quickly puts the shirt and pants on over his clothes. Then Hunter walks back through the hospital doorway and into the lobby. Both are deserted now. He engages the receptionist in conversation, distracting her while Justin enters and sneaks over to the elevator. Once inside, he dons the face mask and hat._

_On the third floor, the doors open with a ding, revealing a couple of nurses he's never seen before. He takes a deep breath and begins to walk past them as confidently as he can (head up, back straight). They nod and mutter, "Doctor." He nods in response. When he hears the elevator doors close, he looks back. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that the nurses are gone. Then, more quickly, he walks through the hallway leading to Brian's room. He keeps his head down and his eyes on the floor, hoping no one will emerge from any of the rooms. He hears the click of a door, and his heart stops. He slowly lifts his head, trying to appear calm, feeling anything but. _

_He stops breathing when someone grabs him by the arm and pulls him into a room, especially when that someone pushes him up against the back of the door, but is pleasantly surprised to discover that it's Brian. Brian pulls the mask down and brushes his lips, slowly, so slowly, against Justin's. Justin's breath catches in his throat. _

_Justin grabs Brian by the shoulders, turning and pushing him against the door. Then he slides his hands up to Brian's neck and crushes Brian's lips with his own, kissing him passionately, with the force of his anxiety from not only sneaking in but also Brian's cancer and with the depth of the love he'd felt for Brian as he'd said his vows and when the nurse had given him Brian's ring. Justin kisses him deeper and deeper, until they break apart, panting and trembling with desire. _

Gus broke in, "Spare us the gory details, please!"

Gus's sisters had much different reactions.

Before turning to their reactions, let's take a look at them. The twins, aged 20, the product of both Brian and Justin's sperm and Daphne's eggs, had inherited their mother's curls, but, strangely, their father's eye color, hair color, and skin tone. Thus, Zoe, Brian's daughter, had hazel eyes, curly chestnut hair, and olive skin, while Isabelle, or Izzy, had blue eyes, curly blond hair, and ivory skin. The "baby," Kezia, the product of Justin's sperm and Daphne's egg, looked exactly like her mother, except that she had her father's blue eyes and straight, silky hair (though, like her mother's, it was brown).

One might wonder why Daphne was willing to be Brian and Justin's surrogate twice, particularly since she'd had twins the first time. It was simple really. At the time, she wasn't sure she'd ever want to be a mother. An aunt and godmother, yes, but a mother, probably not. She was studying to be a doctor and planned to be a fabulous one. In fact, she'd been seriously considering joining Doctors without Borders, which would make parenthood difficult, perhaps even impossible (and she did just that, a couple of years after receiving her medical degree). The one condition she'd given was that Brian and Justin allow her parents all rights and privileges usually accorded grandparents (that had gotten them off her back about having babies of her own). This was, of course, an informal agreement, but she'd trusted Brian and Justin, and they'd happily held up their end of the bargain.

Zoe, nearly as cynical and just as sharp as her father, asked, "Daddy, how did you know what Papa was feeling as he kissed you? It's kind of presumptuous of you to say that you know how someone else, even Papa, felt."

Brian was about to respond, but Izzy, Zoe's twin, beat him to it (Since she could talk, she'd effectively served as Zoe's heart): "When you're as connected as people in love are, particularly soulmates, which are very like twins (she shot Zoe a bright smile rivaling one of her Papa's) in terms of depth of connection, you can feel the other's emotions almost as strongly as your own."

Kezia, a deeply romantic teenager (she'd just turned 17), even more of a romantic than Izzy, was intensely moved by the scene Brian had described, so much so that she had heard nothing else. She asked, "Daddy, was it really as romantic as you say?"

Brian shrugged. "You'll have to tell me. You and your Papa are better judges of that than I am…"

_Justin gently leads Brian to the bed, sits him down, and kneels before him. Then he slips Brian's ring off of his thumb and onto Brian's left ring finger._

Brian (in astonishment): How did you know?

_In response, Justin simply smiles, one of his trademarked million-watt smiles. Then he pulls at Brian's hospital gown._

Justin (huskily): Take this off.

_Brian complies. Justin slides his hands along Brian's inner thighs, spreading them further apart as he does so. Justin deepthroats Brian's cock in one go. Brian leans back and moans._

Brian: Fuck yeah.

Gus interjected, "Dad! Come on!"

Brian rolled his eyes and muttered, "You're no fun. No fun at all."

Justin laughed and kissed Brian on the cheek.

Brian scoffed, "If you're gonna give me a pity kiss, you might as well make it a good one."

He pulled Justin into his lap so that Justin was straddling him, grabbed him by the neck, and pulled him in for a passionate kiss, slow and so deep. As he plundered Justin's mouth, he slid his hands over Justin's ass and squeezed it. Then he pulled Justin toward him, grinding his rapidly hardening cock against Justin's.

Gus sighed deeply.

Zoe and Izzy rolled their eyes at exactly the same time.

Brian broke their kiss and then mimicked his son, sighing deeply as he spun Justin around on his lap and slid his arms around Justin's waist.

"Back to the story…"

_Brian groans._

Brian: You're not leaving already, are you? I must have fucked you into a daze. Those aren't birds singing, but crickets chirping. They are sitting on blades of grass chirping loudly, as they are wont to do when scaring other male crickets away from their tricks.

Justin: You may have fucked me near to oblivion, but fucking, no matter how often or how hard, could never damage my ears. Clearly that is birdsong we hear, not the chirping of crickets. They are tracing circles in the bright sun, not pale moonlight.

_Brian harrumphs. _

Brian: Clearly my pounding your ass, which nearly rendered you unconscious, not only affected your hearing but also your eyesight. Then again, perhaps it was my rimming you into a puddle. Those aren't the sun's rays but the light of Halley's comet. Didn't Deb say once that the day I got married would be the day Halley's comet reappeared in the sky?

_Justin laughs and then sighs. He throws his hands up in surrender._

Justin: If it would please you, let the cops take me away and lock me up for eternity. You're right. I see it so clearly now. The glow in the sky is starlight for sure, but not that of the sun.

_Justin climbs back into bed with Brian, nestling his head in Brian's neck._

Justin: I'd much rather stay than go.

_Brian frowns. _

Brian: No Sunshine, those are birds whose song grates and stings. The poets who claimed that it uplifts were twats, for it's casting you out and causing my mood to sink. Their so-called melody hunts you down as certainly as sirens do. Go now. The sun's light is growing brighter.

_Justin rolls to the side, lying back on the bed. Then he sighs._

Justin: At once, more light and more dark.

_Brian's nurse bursts in suddenly. _

Nurse: The doctor's coming up the elevator.

_Justin moves to leave, but pauses, kissing Brian passionately once more. Then he runs out of the room and into the stairwell. Brian follows. He opens the door._

Brian: Are you gone already?

_Justin pops his head back around the corner so that Brian can see him and smiles brightly._

Justin: This is going to make one hellava story later when we have kids.

_Brian just grins. Then Justin disappears around the corner. Brian stands there until he can no longer hear Justin's footsteps. _

Brian asked, "Well, Kezia, what do you think?"

Kezia sighed contentedly and breathed, "Better than Shakespeare…"

The end (of the story within a story)

(the story proper) TBC…


	11. NNP, the Neverending July, Part 3

**Tuesday July 26, 2005**

Justin's POV

In contrast to what Brian later told our children, I didn't punch an orderly, but, after Brian's first treatment, I did argue with quite a few people about staying over. I wanted to be granted all the rights and privileges a heterosexual spouse is accorded, including being allowed to sleep over with Brian on a cot next to his hospital bed. They would allow me to be with Brian during his treatments, but the homophobic assholes refused to let me stay over, so I did sneak in with the help of Daphne and Hunter. Brian was suffering from serious fatigue, but he was determined that we have a decent wedding night, so I gave him a blowjob and, later, rode him. Then we spent the rest of the night holding each other and talking. Brian was in and out most of the night, falling asleep for 30-45 minutes at a time and then waking up, sometimes finishing sentences he'd begun before falling asleep, as though there had been no interruption.

As I discovered when I returned (for Brian's second day of treatment), Brian awoke (he went to sleep after I left at dawn) with a serious case of the hiccups.

He was hiccupping once every three seconds or so, and I would have laughed (I never imagined I'd see the Stud of Liberty Avenue, a vain man bordering on narcissism, a man who always needs to be in control of everything, especially himself, but even those around him, hiccupping uncontrollably). I would have laughed (the sight was a bit comical), until I saw the look in his eyes. At first, he tried to fix me with an icy glare, daring me to laugh, but, then, he hiccupped again, and all I could see in his eyes was vulnerability. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and run my fingers through his hair. Course, that would have made things worse, so I approached him as I would have done any other time, smiled, and purred, "Hey."

That actually brought a soft smile to his lips. Until he hiccupped again. Apparently, severe hiccupping is a fairly common side effect of the cisplatin-etoposide treatment he'd received the day before. The nurse offered him baclofen (a muscle relaxer and anti-spasmodic), but warned that he'd be 'fuzzy' afterward. I could tell that he was torn. He was clearly desperate for the hiccups to go away, but, for Brian, being 'fuzzy' would just be another loss of control. The drug would cure the symptom, but not the underlying problem. Suddenly, I had an idea. "Don't take anything yet. I'll be right back!" Then I ran down to the cafeteria. I returned with a handful of sugar packets. That elicited a raised eyebrow. I smiled and handed him two. He looked doubtful, but took them and poured the sugar into his mouth pixie-stick style. Then we waited.

One Mississippi

Two Mississippi

Three Mississippi

No hiccup.

Four Mississippi

Five Mississippi

Six Mississippi

No hiccup.

Brian smiled and pulled me into his lap. He held me tight and whispered into my ear, "What would I do without you?"

I nuzzled his neck and replied huskily (yes, I know. I'm an insatiable freak, but, even when Brian's wearing a hospital gown and sitting in a wheelchair, being close to him, being in his arms, always has an effect on me), "You'll never have to find out."

Then Brian's nurse shooed me away so that she could get the IV started. I slipped the remaining sugar packets into my pocket and resolved to keep a supply handy for the next few months.

A few hours after Brian's treatment, he started shivering. I'd been sitting in a chair beside his bed holding his hand, our fingers threaded together, when it started. Without even thinking, when I noticed that his entire body was shaking, I climbed into bed with him and wrapped my arms around him. I held him tight and rubbed his arms and back. He didn't resist at all, which was kind of unusual. He might be more 'into' cuddling these days, but he was a little sensitive to what he considered coddling. It was at that point, when he didn't resist at all, but nestled into my embrace, that I started worrying. After a full five minutes, Brian was still shivering, so I called a nurse. She said that chills and shivering are common after receiving bleomycin and that they usually herald a fever spike. She took his temperature (it was 101◦), gave him something to bring his temperature down, and then departed. I climbed back into bed with Brian and held him for about an hour (again he didn't resist), until I heard the nurse heading back toward Brian's room. By then, Brian had stopped shaking (all told, the shaking had lasted about fifteen minutes). The nurse took his temperature again. This time, it was normal. Then she told me I had to leave (visiting hours were over).

The bitch (yes, I said it; she's damn lucky I don't use the c-word) wouldn't give us a moment alone to say goodbye, so, after sending a cold stare in her direction, I grabbed Brian by the neck (though gently) and planted a super-passionate kiss on him. Seriously. We were making out for a solid two or three minutes. When I broke our kiss, Brian was breathing heavy and flushed (me, too). I smiled when I saw that the nurse had turned red, though from anger or embarrassment (or both), I don't know. Brian was quite amused by the whole scene.

On the way home, I stopped at the pharmacy and bought a digital thermometer and some ibuprofen and then hit the grocery store to buy a box of sugar packets, but the store didn't stock sugar packets, so I hit a McDonald's, bought a coffee, and then stuffed a bunch of sugar packets they had set out with the condiments in my pocket. I got a few disapproving glances from some elderly people, but I was unperturbed. I just glared back.

A few hours after I'd left the hospital, I laid down in our bed, which now seemed way, way, too big. Though I usually slept naked, a habit I picked up from Brian, on this night, I was wrapped up in a long-sleeved shirt Brian had worn a few days ago that hadn't been washed since he'd worn it. I'd wanted to sneak back into the hospital again that night, but I knew Brian would insist that we fuck, and he was way too fatigued. Unfortunately, I'd quickly grown accustomed to sleeping with Brian every night again, and I was especially disturbed because I was worried about him. Had his fever returned? Was he feeling nauseous? With such questions on my mind, I tossed and turned for an hour.

Then the phone rang. It was Brian.

As soon as I picked up the phone (I hadn't even said hello), Brian drawled, "Sunshine."

I immediately jumped into freaky mother mode. "Brian! What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be resting?"

Brian sighed. "I've been 'resting' all fucking evening. I'm bored. Up for some phone sex?"

Brian sounded tired, but the haziness of his voice made it lower, sexier. As worried as I was, I was turned on, too, and I didn't want Brian to think I considered him somehow lesser because he was in the hospital. So I purred, "With you, always."

"What are you wearing?"

"One of your shirts. A black silk button down."

Brian seemed thrown by this information. His voice was a strange mixture of lightness and tension, as though he were aiming for, but not quite achieving, equanimity. "Do you miss me that much already?"

I stated firmly, "Yes." Then I continued, a little huskily, "Being wrapped up in something you recently wore, something that still smells like you, makes the bed feel a little smaller, a little less empty."

Even over the phone, I could hear Brian swallow hard. Then he said, his voice nearly a whisper, "Close your eyes, Sunshine."

"Done."

"I'm there with you. You look hot in my shirt. The dark color makes a beautiful contrast with your creamy white skin. Unbutton it for me. I want to see all of you."

"One button undone. Two. Three..."

"Now trace circles around your nipples lightly with a finger."

The combination of Brian's voice and the slightly tickling sensation I experienced, especially when I touched the little peaks caused me to moan softly. I could hear Brian's breathing grow ragged.

"Are you hard, Sunshine?"

I whispered huskily, "Yes."

"Slide one hand down your chest, slowly, tracing a line to your cock with your fingers while also pulling on your nipple ring with the other hand, like I would."

A delicious shiver passed through me as I complied. I made a little exhaling sound, "Oh…" which Brian seemed to like very much, as he moaned softly.

"Grab lube from one of the end table drawers. Squeeze some into your hand and then rub your hands together to warm it up."

"Okay…done."

"Now send one hand to the tip of your cock, rolling your hand over it slowly, while you pump your shaft with the other."

I grunted and then moaned softly. Having both hands on my cock, warm and wet, felt very like Brian taking my entire length into his mouth, the tip of my cock into his throat.

"Arch your back. You look so fucking hot. What I wouldn't give to flip you over, push your chest flat onto the bed, thread the fingers of both of my hands into your silky blond hair, and then rip your head back as I pound your tight little ass. I would fuck you so deep and so hard that you'd feel me inside you for a week."

I started panting and then whisper-moaned, "Oh Brian…"

"Squeeze the tip of your cock, hard, and start pumping your shaft faster."

Waves of heat rolled outward from my groin, and electricity began prickling through me. I mewled, and my entire body tensed. "I'm so fucking close, Brian. Ohhhh….Brian…."

I shut my eyes tight and arched my back even more, now thrusting into my hand even as I pumped my shaft. Then I shouted, "Oh fuck!" and exploded. Brian let out a deep body moan a second later, presumably as his orgasm tore through him. I fell back onto the bed, my chest heaving.

Brian breathed, "That was hot!"

I smiled brightly. I couldn't believe how turned on imagining me touch myself and the noises I made got Brian. When I heard Brian yawn, I smiled even more brightly. "Thanks, Brian. I was tossing and turning before you called, but, now, I'm so sleepy."

"Okay (another yawn). I'll let you go then. See you in the morning."

"Yeah. Oh wait."

I could tell Brian had his eyes closed and was half asleep already by his answer, a barely audible, "Mmm…"

"I love you, Brian."

"Love you, too, Sunshine."

I hung up the phone, wiped the cum off of my thighs and hands, refastened the buttons on Brian's shirt, and then snuggled up to Brian's pillow (holding it against my chest). I fell asleep with Brian's voice in my ears, happily enveloped in his scent and the smell of sex.


	12. NNP, the Neverending July, Part 4

**Wednesday July 27, 2005 (97 days to the ginormous family wedding)**

Brian received just etoposide for his third treatment, the last one he would need for a while. After a 60-minute treatment, we could leave. The doctor wanted Brian to stay a third night in the hospital, especially after his fever spike the night before, but Brian refused. I was glad. I knew how selfish that sounded, but the one night away from him (I'd snuck in the first night) was bad enough. I promised to call if Brian had any disturbing symptoms.

So halfway through the treatment, I was sitting in a chair next to Brian, chattering on about Daphne and Hunter. Brian did his best to look bored, but I knew how much he'd missed my chattering while I had been 'in hiding' and how much it put Brian at ease now. But I lost my train of thought as my eyes fell on his PICC line. It was a catheter inserted into his vein near the crook of his right arm and slid inside until it reached a larger vein near his heart. I swallowed hard. The doctor had decided that Brian needed to have it left in for the three months he would be receiving chemo (because his veins were small and hard to find). He would have this tube inside him, exposing his insides to the outside world, for three months. I shivered. Course, the nurse would make a dressing for it to prevent infection and blocks in the line, but Brian would have to come in every week to have it flushed and the dressing changed, even when he had no chemo scheduled. I hadn't realized, but my eyes hadn't been the only thing that drifted to his PICC line. My fingers had drifted there as well. I was caressing Brian's arm just below it. I jumped a little when I looked up and found Brian staring at me intently.

I smiled as brightly as I could manage. I didn't want him to know how freaked out I was by his PICC line. How scared I was by the whole chemotherapy process. He just continued to stare. But a couple of minutes later, he let me off the hook, asking, "So Daphne made Hunter a romantic dinner?" Brian rolled his eyes. I smiled for real then. He had been listening to me. Really listening. "Did she serve herself up as dessert?"

I shook my head, but I was still smiling. "She's not ready yet. But she told me that there was a lot of heavy petting."

Brian chuckled. "Poor Hunter. Living with her and not getting any. He must jerk off constantly. If that were me and you, I would be."

I giggled. "As if. You'd just go down to Liberty and find some hot guy to blow you."

Suddenly serious, Brian breathed, "No I wouldn't. Not anymore."

His confession knocked the wind out of me. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe, and my heart stubbornly refused to beat. The entire time, Brian was looking into my eyes. Crazy. But the spell was unexpectedly broken by a strident voice, complaining, "That little asshole at the front desk gave me the wrong directions!"

Oh God. Debbie.

Brian and I both looked in the direction from which the voice had come. Debbie was turning around slowly, no doubt to get her bearings. And, of course, we were in a room with huge windows, allowing those in the hallway to see in. Neither Brian nor I had thought anything of this arrangement until now. Other than me, only Daphne and Hunter knew about the cancer. If Brian had had his way, only I would have known, but very quickly, Brian had realized that I would need someone to talk to, so he'd okay'd Daphne knowing. And then, I needed Hunter's help sneaking into the hospital and he was very persistent and nosey as hell, so I'd ended up telling him, too. Brian had been forgiving about this slip, but he'd been adamant that no one else should know. Fortunately, Hunter was as skilled at keeping secrets as he was at learning them.

But soon that wouldn't matter. Any second, Debbie would see us, and it would all be over. Everyone we knew would be in here, looking at Brian with pity and/or fear in their eyes. Lobbing question after question at him. Acting hurt that he hadn't confided in them. I couldn't let that happen. This situation was bad enough. The last thing Brian needed was to be required to hold everyone else's hand through this terrifying process. And that's exactly what the gang would expect. He'd have to reassure them, when he was the one who needed reassurance, when he only half believed he was going to make it. He'd have to be strong for them, when he couldn't even be strong for himself. And after they'd learned the truth, they'd be watching like hawks for symptoms. Every time he was nauseous or tired, they'd look at him with pity and fear. They'd be over all the time trying to be helpful, but just making him feel like nothing else existed but the cancer. No way was I going to let that happen. I had to act quickly.


	13. NNP, the Neverending July, Part 5

**Wednesday July 27, 2005 (97 days to the ginormous family wedding)**

I walked up to Debbie and put my arm around her, pulling her toward the entry to the oncology ward.

Debbie looked over at me in surprise. "Sunshine?"

I tilted my head a little (to prevent her from looking over my shoulder and catching a glimpse of Brian) and smiled. "Yup, it's me. So where were you headed?"

"Where am I headed? Where are you headed? Wait, what are you doing here in the cancer ward? Oh my God! Did Brian have a relapse?"

Fuck. I was hoping I wouldn't have to lie to her. Not straight out. My arm still around her, I pushed her along, toward the elevator. As we went, I replied lightly (don't ask me how), "Nope. He's in perfect health."

"Then why are you here?"

Before answering, I led her into the elevator. Then I explained (translation, lied my ass off), "I volunteer here once a week. You know, I'm just so happy that Brian's cancer went into remission. I mean, when I think about what could have happened. That I could have lost him…" My voice broke then. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why had I gone there? I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, trying to will away my tears. Brian was going to be fine. He had to be. We were married; we finally had a future…plans.

Debbie was beside herself with concern. She hugged me tight and said, "Don't think about what could have happened." Then she pulled back and smiled at me, patting my cheek as she did so. "You are such a good boy. Giving back to the community like that."

As I led her out of the elevator, I thought bitterly, yes, that's me. A good boy. More chest tightening. More tears to blink back. That was what Brian used to call me. His good boy. His good boy. I shook my head…trying to clear it of memories…fears.

I felt guilty…and…a whole lot of other things, but I had gotten Debbie downstairs to the information desk. Brian's secret was safe. For now.

I pointed at the information desk and declared, as cheerfully as I could manage, "Here you are." Then I forced myself to smile, trying hard to make it appear genuine, and said as lightly as I could, "Well, I'd better get back."

"Okay, Sunshine. You and Brian will come to dinner this Sunday, won't you?"

I nodded. She smiled. Then I spun around and walked back to the elevator. Once I was safely inside, and alone, I hit the stop button and leaned back against the wall. Then I let go. I let myself slide down the wall to the floor, buried my face in my hands, and cried. I cried and cried and cried.

I cried because Brian had hurts I couldn't heal, pain I couldn't ease. Because Brian would spend the next few months suffering and maybe still die.

I cried because I was scared. Because I was alone in my fear. Because I didn't want to live without Brian. Because we'd already spent too much time apart. Because life wasn't fucking fair.

Suddenly I was angry. Filled with rage. I stood and (still sobbing) started kicking and punching the wall. How much pain did we have to endure? My father running Brian down…the bashing…the joke of a trial…Brian's first bout with cancer…his relapse. I was angry at the world, which was filled with people getting their happy endings, like Mikey and Ben, and people who'd tried to keep Brian and me apart, like Mikey, Deb, Lindsay, and my mom.

I was angry at Brian for tricking and denying his feelings far too long, for offering me everything I ever wanted and then getting sick. But mostly, I was angry at myself. How many times had I left Brian? How many times had I let him push me away? I left him for Ethan, for California, because he was pulling year one shit in year five, and then for New York (even though I hadn't actually gotten there). What if that was it? What if before was all we would ever have?

Finally I stopped. My chest heaving, my breathing ragged, I leaned my forehead against the wall next to the door and just stood there. For several minutes. Until my hands were no longer red from punching the wall, until my tears had dried. Then, still not moving, I hit the start button. I was tired. Not my body, but my soul…my heart. So fucking tired.

When the elevator reached the floor containing the oncology ward, I shuffled out, still kind of in a daze. I didn't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I didn't want to pretend I wasn't scared anymore. I didn't want to do the holding anymore. I wanted to be held.

That is, until I saw Brian. He looked as tired as I felt, maybe more so, but his eyes brightened when they landed on me. The ache in my chest then was so intense I didn't know how I could still be standing. I suddenly smiled a million-watt smile. A genuine one.

I understood so much in that moment. I would happily stand by Brian's side, hiding my sadness, fear, and anger, smiling, hoping for the both of us, holding Brian up until the end, whenever, however, that happened. Every second he breathed was a gift. Brian was my opportunity of a lifetime. I wouldn't, couldn't, take a single second we shared for granted. Never again.

God. My feelings for him washed over me, setting me to trembling. How could I still be as in love with him as I had been that first night? No. More. Inconceivably, impossibly, more. Even sick, weakened, and exhausted, he was as much a god to me as he had been five years ago.

I couldn't wait to get him home. I smiled. Home. I was going to kiss every inch of his body, make him cum as many times as his body could handle, and then hold him all night, not even sleeping, just listening to him to breathe, listening to his heart beat.


	14. NNP, Interlude, A Wedding Celebration

**Wednesday July 27, 2005 (97 days to the ginormous family wedding)**

Brian and I returned to Britin to find little white lights strung around the front door. A moment later, Daphne flung it open.

Just as I was about to ask what she was doing here, she (and Hunter, who'd come up behind her), shouted, "Welcome home, Mr. and Mr. Kinney-Taylor!"

I couldn't help but smile, and brightly. Then I complained, "Hey! Why is Brian's last name first?"

Daphne smiled weakly and shrugged, "Uh…cause K comes before T in the alphabet?"

I was half-expecting Brian to mock the combination of our names (as being way too Stepford fag), But he didn't. In fact, he ran his fingers through my hair and stated softly, almost to himself, "Kinney-Taylor. We should make that legal."

Daphne and Hunter gaped a little, but I just smiled at Brian, a little shyly. I never thought I'd see the day.

I started to walk through the door, but Brian stopped me, grabbing my shoulder and actually pulling me back toward him. I looked at him quizzically, until he slid one arm along my back and the other along the backs of my knees. Realizing what he was planning to do, I cried out, "No, don't!"

Brian regarded me silently, his eyes dark and intense, as though daring me to say he couldn't do it, that he was too weak from his treatments. I shrugged and smiled. "I'm heavier now…" It came out more like a question than a statement.

Brian just blinked. "No you aren't."

Then he whisked me up and into his arms, carrying me in a way Daphne called "princess style" over the threshold. Daphne looked girlier than ever, her hands folded, fingers threaded together, right over her heart, wearing the biggest smile I'd ever seen on her (and that's saying a lot). She even awww-ed. Hunter, as ever her foil, was trying to be super masculine. After Brian set me down and kissed my lips gently (even looking deep into my eyes and then kissing me again), he shook both our hands, his grip tight. Course, he squeezed a shoulder with his free hand while doing so (like Ben does), so it didn't come off as masculine as he probably thought, though I couldn't think of a better model of a man for a boy than Ben. Daphne and Hunter must have been stringing up white lights all afternoon. They were everywhere. In the hall, the front room, up the stairs, and, as I learned later, in our bedroom. In the front room, Daphne and Hunter had set up a table with food (pot roast, mashed potatoes, and baked carrots) and even a cake. They must have been planning this since Brian first went into the hospital because the cake was an actual wedding cake, with three tiers and two grooms on top.

I gave Daphne a gentle shove. "Please tell me you didn't do the cooking!"

Daphne huffed a breath and crossed her arms. "I did! Well, Hunter and I did. And you're going to fucking love it! I told you about yesterday. It was good practice."

Hunter gaped. "The romantic dinner you made me was _practice_? Geez!"

Daphne blushed a little and looked down. "Umm…"

I kissed her cheek and teased, "You know…cooking skills don't automatically come with a uterus."

Daphne rolled her eyes. "I know that! But I did good this time. I didn't burn anything!"

Hunter opened his mouth, I guessed to argue, but she shot him a death glare. So instead he said, in a robotic monotone, "She did not burn a thing."

Daphne smiled smugly and nodded.

Strangely, Brian watched all of this with an amused expression on his face. I expected him to be bored or annoyed, especially given his few days of living with Daphne, but he seemed happy. At ease. He was already sitting down. I had to stop myself from asking whether he felt okay. I was worried (about his being tired or nauseous), but I didn't want to deflate his mood.

We grabbed platefuls of food and joined Brian. I made a plate for Brian, a risky move on my part because he hated being coddled, but he seemed relieved. Maybe he really was tired.

Brian and I exchanged dubious looks before digging in, earning a heavy sigh and more eye rolling from Daphne, but it was actually quite good. The roast wasn't even dry. Brian didn't eat very much (even for him), maybe three bites, but he didn't appear ill. Just drained. And he had this look on his face. Contentment maybe. He also kept touching me. The whole time I was eating. I was on the floor next to the chair he was sitting in (Silly I know…I just wanted to be close to him). He alternately ran his fingers through my hair and traced a finger lightly down the back of my neck.

Then came the cake cutting. When Daphne left the room and came back with a silver cake cutting knife, I groaned. I assumed Brian would think it was stupid, but he stood and took it from her. Then he said, "Get your ass over here, Sunshine."

I literally jumped to my feet and ran over (sometimes I still feel like that 17-year-old boy desperate for Brian's attention). Brian handed me the knife and slipped his hand over mine. We cut two slivers, each taking one in hand. It was fucking surreal. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this could ever happen. Brian didn't even smush the cake in my face. He slid it gently into my mouth. But me…I wasn't so nice. I did smush it…got it all over him. Brian looked mildly amused, just blinking once slowly, not saying a word. I, of course, had a wicked smile on my face. Hunter quickly snapped a picture before I proceeded to lick every bit of frosting off of Brian's face and neck (I was brutal with the smushing).

Hunter complained, "Ewww…come on…you're killing me…" especially after I finished and Brian pulled me into his arms, threaded his fingers through my hair (his fingers were still covered with frosting), and thrust his tongue into my mouth. I slid my hands around his waist and pulled him closer, kissing him back passionately. We must have been kissing for two solid minutes because afterward, I felt a little unsteady. Even after all this time, Brian could still take my breath away.

Afterward, Brian and I were sitting in the chair Brian had been in before, this time together, me sideways on his lap. Daphne and Hunter gave us a present then, a hand blown glass ornament with our wedding date on it (July 25, 2005). It had to have been special ordered because it had streaks of pale orange and royal blue spiraling around each other, finally coalescing into a river of silver, just like in my painting of our first time. I looked up in shock, but neither Daphne nor Hunter explained. They didn't seem to understand the significance (though Brian must have; he held me even tighter and kissed my neck tenderly). That couldn't be random. No way. Maybe they'd just seen it in my painting and thought it looked pretty. Maybe. But it was perfect. The perfect representation of Brian and me.

TBC…(later tonight…sorry I'm already falling a little behind on my schedule. I'm going to try to catch up over the weekend)


	15. NNP, Interlude, A Serious Talk

**Not Normal People, Chapter 16 (Part 2): A Serious Talk**

Daphne and Hunter left shortly after giving us our wedding present. We were shocked to discover that they had not only strung little white lights all over our bedroom but also strewn white rose petals in a trail into the bedroom leading to the bed and had even placed a couple of bouquets of white roses on the end tables. I frowned when I saw the beginning of the rose petal trail. And when we entered the bedroom, I exclaimed, "Oh God!"

I was so embarrassed. I felt hot all over. I didn't even want to imagine what Brian was thinking. "I'm sorry. I guess Daphne got carried away."

Brian picked a couple petals off the floor, pulled me to him by a belt loop, and drew the petals lightly along the curve of my neck. I shivered. Brian smiled. "They're not so bad." Then he started removing his clothes. In very short order, he was naked and lying on the bed, on top of about half of the rose petals. "You just gonna stand there all night?"

"Oh…no." I stripped quickly, kneeled on the bed, and crawled toward Brian. The petals were soft and tickled my palms. When I reached Brian, he slid his hand from my shoulder down my back all the way to my ass. Then he pulled me onto my side and into his arms. He laid open-mouthed kisses down my neck (eliciting a trilly mmmm from me) and then kissed my lips before declaring evenly, "I want us to have a kid."

"What?"

"I want us to have a kid." After a pause, he added, "Soon."

I blinked, swallowed, and licked my lips. Then I leaned closer to Brian, at first just brushing my lips against his. His eyelashes whispered against my skin, tickling me. I laughed and Brian smiled. I moved back a little and held Brian's eyes with mine. They looked sea green. I gazed into them until I felt dizzy, like I was tumbling. Brian wasn't smiling anymore. I moved closer. I traced his lower lip with my tongue. I nibbled on it. I sucked on it. I placed tender pecks all over his face: on his forehead, down his nose, on his cheeks, and all around his mouth. A long lingering one on his lips. And another. Then I dove in. The moment my tongue entered Brian's mouth, his breath caught in his throat. I let my eyes flutter closed, slid my hands to the back of his neck, and pulled him closer, kissing him deeper and deeper and deeper. He growled. I moaned. I played with the hairs at the back of his neck. He kneaded my ass. Then his hand was on my cock, caressing, squeezing, and stroking. I moved my hand to his, but he pushed it away. Brian swallowed my groan of complaint, and, soon, I was rising and falling, rising and falling, thrusting into Brian's hand, burning, burning, burning, and exploding.

I buried my head in Brian's chest. He pushed the hair off my forehead and then kissed it gently. As I caught my breath and tried to slow my heart, which was beating so hard and fast in my chest that I thought it might explode, too, Brian said, "I appreciate your efforts to distract me, but I still want to have a kid with you."

"I…I wasn't. I just…"

Brian quirked an eyebrow and waited.

"I just figured that that was another reaction to facing your mortality."

"So?"

"You aren't…" I bit back a sob. God, I was a fucking mess. I was always a second away from tears these days. "You're going to get through the chemo with flying colors. You don't…we don't need to rush. We have all the time in the world."

Brian nodded slowly. He said, "I know," but his eyes were glistening. I fucking hated this lie we had silently agreed to tell each other. The lie we needed to tell each other. That there was no chance Brian would die. That the chemo would be 100% successful. That the cancer wouldn't spread to his lymph nodes. "I still want to have a kid. Soon."

"Okay. Let's procreate."

"You make it sound so romantic." Brian was smiling again, but his eyes had stopped glistening.

I laughed, a real laugh. "Well, it's not like the fertilization process is going to be romantic. We won't even be involved once we give the doctor the sperm."

"I don't want to use Lindsay."

"No?"

Brian shook his head.

"Why?"

Brian sighed. "Lindsay would want to be super involved in the kid's life and change hers accordingly. I can't let her do that. Plus, I want Mel as far away from this as possible. Lindsay, too, I guess."

I kissed Brian's cheek and got up to get a wash cloth. When I returned, I washed my cum off his chest and mine and hung it on the edge of the hamper to dry. Then I laid back down. "I actually understand."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Time to take the training wheels off, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so tomorrow we start looking for another surrogate."

"Yeah."

I rolled over so that I was facing Brian and smiled. "This is crazy."

Brian quirked an eyebrow.

I laughed and shook my head. "I can't believe we're doing this."

"I told you I wanted more kids someday."

"I guess I just didn't think we'd be doing it this soon."

Brian shrugged. "Why shouldn't we? We have a house. We're married." Brian paused. "Is it too soon for you?"

"What?"

"You're only 22. Is it too soon for you?"

"No! No! No. It'll take a few months to find a surrogate and impregnate her. Then it'll be nine months before the baby is born. My show in New York will be long over by then. And after, I'll be going to school here. That'll work out perfect. I can take late afternoon and evening classes, so you can work most of the day before having to do daddy duty. And I can study at home to spend more time with you and the baby. Holy shit…this is so crazy. I fucking love it!"

"Justin."

"Yeah."

"Why don't we both use our sperm?"

"What and let fate decide?"

"I wouldn't have put it like that, but yeah."

"Now it _is_ romantic…"

Brian pulled me close then, wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling my neck.

TBC…


End file.
